Meet in the Middle
by Tauna Petit-Strawn
Summary: Nick has been estranged from his family since 1863. Will the family ever reconcile? Genre always subject to change...as is the rating.
1. Chapter 1

Meet Me in the Middle Chapter One

A/N I have given Julia Saxon a sister and added just a tad to the story she told Audra in this story. Also, Jarrod wasn't the one who saw her off. No, Julia Saxon is not shown in this story. She's just mentioned. Also, in this AU, Heath joined the family two years before Tom was killed.

A/N I'm playing with facts when it comes to furloughs. In all reality, as my beta pointed out, were usually only for emergencies and lasted only 15 days. But…..you get the picture.

A/N Adam Cartwright is in one chapter, and Ben Cartwright is in another. However, to me, that does not mandate the story going in the crossover section.

 **1863**

"I am not mistaken! You're wrong!" Nick had glared at his brother, Jarrod. Both he and Jarrod were home on furlough, but Nick had surprised everyone by bringing home a young lady he intended to marry. "Yes, the South tried to entice her to get information, but she refused!" Jarrod, who normally did not hand out what the military saw as privileged information, didn't want Nick to make the biggest mistake in his life. That being the case, he told them all that he had almost enough solid proof that Miss Saxon was a spy for the South.

"Your brother never accuses anyone without solid proof. You should know that." Victoria, who was standing next to her husband spoke up. "I don't want a traitor in this house, especially one who almost cost your brother his life…something he assures us only happened because information she leaked to the other side-information that let the enemy know where the unit he was temporarily with was at. If he says he'll have enough proof soon and that she'll be prosecuted sooner or later, he will…and she will."

"It wasn't me, Mrs. Barkley. It was…" Melissa started to explain only to have Victoria interrupt her.

"I will not listen to the lies of a spy!" She'd then shocked everyone by ordering her son to 'turn the spy over to the law and then come home alone'.

"She's innocent. If you'd listen…" Nick started to argue only to have Tom-who didn't wish to have to go the rounds with his wife later-speak up.

"If she's innocent, time will prove it. For now, please, do as your mother asks and then come home."

Nick was furious. He hadn't been surprised to have Melissa accused of what her older sister had done-especially since the two could pass as twins-even with the age difference between them. However, he hadn't expected his family to turn her away without allowing the two of them to explain. He took Melissa's hand in his hand, led her to the front door and walked out. Hours later Tom, who was wondering where Nick was, sent Jarrod to town. However, Jarrod-who had gone out to the barn-was shocked to find a letter nailed to one of the stall posts. It was addressed to him.

 _Dear Jarrod,_

 _I know you will be the one to find this, as Father will be busy calming Mother. Since all of you refuse to listen, you can read this letter instead. My fiancé's name is Melissa Saxon…Julia is her older sister. It is Julia who is doing the spying. We had definite proof of this and have informed the proper authorities. If the family had listened, I would have asked where your information came from…and, if you're the honest man I think you are…you'd have said Julia gave it to you-that she told you Melissa was a long distance cousin, or something like that. You will see, by the time you get back to Washington, I am telling you the truth. Also, you might as well tell the family goodbye for me. Melissa and I are getting married, but we will not live around people who will not even show us the courtesy of listening. Don't try to find me…I have friends who will hide my whereabouts during the rest of the war. After that, I'll simply remain silent as to where she and I are going to live._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Nick_

 _P.S. I'm a lot of things, dear brother, but I don't lie._

Jarrod's heart plummeted for a number of reasons. One; he knew he and the family had been way out of line in not listening; two, he had been courting Julia-who had vehemently denied having any siblings when he'd asked her-due to a comment Matt Parker had made; three, she _had_ been the one to give him 'the proof' he had in his office; four, she _had_ claimed Melissa was her third cousin and; five, if Nick said it would be useless to try to find him-it would be.

 **1876**

Heath, who had just gotten back from town, walked into the house to find Jarrod sitting in front of the fireplace. His older brother was staring into the blazing fire-the first one in many months-with a look of regret and longing. He didn't have to ask what the problem was, as Julia had told Audra everything while sitting in the jail cell after being arrested for a murder she did not commit. Fortunately, Heath and Jarrod had been able to clear her name.

"The war tore a lot of families apart." Heath said as he sat down on the sofa, keeping an eye on Jarrod.

"It didn't have to tear ours part." Jarrod sighed and sat up, turning to face Heath as he did so. "If we had only listened," he sighed again, "If I hadn't been so desperate to believe Julia."

Heath, who could hear the guilt in Jarrod's voice, shook his head. "Julia admitted she let her thirst for a singing career get ahead of all else, including being honest about any family relations she had and desperation to throw suspicion off herself. You were simply young and thought you were in love. She used you."

"Doesn't matter," Jarrod turned his gaze back to the fire. "Nick was right. He was guilty of many things, but being a liar isn't among his traits. Even if we were convinced he was wrong, we still should have listened."

Heath scratched the back of his neck and then asked quietly. "How long did the family search for him?" If Jarrod said they had simply accepted Nick's departure, Heath was going to be faint. He wasn't surprised when Jarrod sighed again, allowing his shoulders slump forward just a little. "The moment I got that letter Father and I rode into town. We were too late. Nick and Melissa had been to the reverend's home and then caught the first train heading east….which meant they left right after exchanging their vows. After that, Father contacted everyone he knew in the military-as did I. It was no good. Either the men contacted had no idea where Nick was or," Jarrod straightened up and turned his face towards Heath again, "We were told very sharply that Nick had put his life on the line time and time again-to save those he served with or under. We were informed that Nick had turned down every medal offered him by a few generals." Jarrod swallowed as he fought to control his emotions. "The military said those generals-which they adamantly refused to name-agreed that instead of medals they'd keep Nick's whereabouts from us. It seems he'd been very vocal of our reaction, and our unwillingness to listen to him or Melissa."

"And afterwards?" Heath asked, just knowing what he'd hear…or close to it. Still, he wanted to hear it from Jarrod.

"We tried, but not even the Pinkertons could find him. Mother and Father, along with myself, are pretty sure he changed his name. The only time we had hopes of finding him, talking to him was- as you know-when those letters arrived when Father was fighting the railroad." Jarrod fell silent.

"The ones that warned Father and the farmers what Jordan was up to." Heath remembered how his father's face had paled when reading the letters and how he'd whispered, 'It's Nick's handwriting.'

Jarrod nodded. "They were mailed from Carson City, Nevada. Since Father was busy here, I traveled to Carson City, but I found nothing. The post office couldn't even help us. Oh, the man remembered the envelopes, but he said they'd been waiting on his desk for him when he arrived at work-said he hadn't seen anyone. Whether or not that was true, I don't know. All I know is that I searched hard Carson City inside out looking for him, and no one had seen him."

Heath, who had been struggling with something Julia had said when he'd dropped her off at the train station, again spoke quietly. "After asking me to give you her apologies, Julia mentioned she wished she could make peace with Melissa only, I quote 'I haven't seen her since I bumped into her outside Virginia City, and that's been a number of years ago. She wouldn't even look at me. As I walked away, I heard someone call her Mrs. Barker'. I didn't know what to think when she said that, been trying to decide if she was serious or not,"

Jarrod, who had gone back to gazing at fire whipped his head around. Barker…Barkley. So close…"Virginia City? Nevada?" Had he really been that close to finding Nick six years ago?

Heath nodded and started to say something else only to hear Silas calling him. He excused himself, leaving Jarrod to think on what Heath had just told him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 ***In this AU Brett Skyler isn't a counterfeiter and is working with Jarrod in Stockton.**

 **Excerpt from Ch One**

 _ **Jarrod, who had gone back to gazing at fire whipped his head sides. Barker…Barkley. So close…"Virginia City? Nevada?" Had he really been that close to finding Nick seven years ago?**_

Jarrod sat at the breakfast table and watched as Eugene and Audra joined Heath, their mother and himself. He waited until Silas had laid the rest of the food on the table before he started speaking. "I'm turning my cases over to Brett Skyler and then I'm going to leave for Virginia City."

Heath and Victoria- Jarrod had talked to his mother the night before-stiffened just a little. They'd pretty well figured this is what they were going to hear when they arrived at the table. Naturally, not knowing what Julia had told Heath at the train station, Eugene and Audra were caught by surprise…and reacted as such.

"Virginia City?" Audra and Eugene asked in unison, confusion filled their eyes as they looked at the brother they lovingly called 'Pappy'.

"You heard me. I..." he looked his mother and Heath, both nodded their heads slightly. Jarrod took a deep breath and told his two younger siblings what Julia Saxon had told Heath. He wasn't surprised when Audra gasped…while Eugene hit the roof. "What makes you believe she's telling the truth! She admitted to lying a lot! Nick and this Melissa you all have told me about probably aren't in Virginia City at all!"

"During the war! She lied during the war!" Jarrod snapped back and then, softening his tone, he looked at Heath. "You've got a way of sensing whether or not a person is being honest. What have you decided about what Julia told you at the train station?"

"Well, I can't guarantee anything. However, I think there's a high chance she's telling the truth. No matter what, I think it's a lead you should take seriously." Heath then looked at Eugene. "She only said she ran into her sister in Virginia City. She never said our sister-in-law and Nick were living there. I think Jarrod's right to go and see if anyone can lead him to them."

Victoria, who had remained silent, spoke in a quiet voice-filled with the sound of someone with authority- one that made all her children listen.

"When Nick first left, I was furious that he'd chosen a traitor over the family. However, as time went by-after Jarrod went back to Washington and before he wrote to us and confirmed everything Nick had written in his letter-I realized what a horrible mistake we had made when it came to not listening to his side of the story." She sat up even straighter. "I don't know what Jarrod will find in Virginia City, but I say he needs to go and find out what he can."

Eugene looked at Audra, hoping she thought the same way he did. However, he found himself the odd man out when she whispered, "Julia was a lot of things in the past, but she was being honest with me in that jail cell." Audra sighed as she remembered how Julia had been accused of murder-only to be cleared when Jarrod and Heath found the true killer. "I believe she was being honest with Heath as well. I vote that Jarrod goes to Virginia City….as long as he promises to contact us on a regular basis."

"Agreed," Jarrod pointed at Audra as he smiled. He then looked at Eugene, who simply shrugged his shoulders and told Jarrod to go for it-even if Eugene still thought his oldest brother was wasting his time. The rest of breakfast was ate in silence. As soon as he was finished, Jarrod excused himself-saying he was going to pack. It wasn't a few minutes later, he was doing just that.

While he was packing, Heath was making his way out onto the verandah where Victoria was standing next to the railing watching the horses that were in the corral-they looked as if they were playing with each other.

Heath leaned against the railing as well. After a moment, he asked, "Why didn't you give Nick a chance to explain?" That part boggled Heath's mind. The Victoria he knew always listened to both sides of a story.

Victoria let out a slow breath, keeping her eyes on the horses. "As Julia told Audra, in the early days of the war, people came and went as they pleased. But, as time wore on, things changed. By the time Nick brought his fiancé home, not only did we not want anything to do with the South, but Jarrod had come close to dying because of information that was leaked to the opposite side. All I cared about was my sons surviving the war, not listening to stories when the evidence Jarrod had said Melissa was guilty. No, I wasn't in the right-I grew to see that only I saw it too late. I promised myself from then on to listen to both sides of any story…and make sure my information was complete before deciding anything." She turned and faced Heath. "I'd like you to go with Jarrod. I'd like the two of you to search for Nick."

Heath frowned slightly. "What about the ranch?" He could hardly see Eugene-who was more interested in his medical books-running the ranch.

"McColl can help me while you're gone and, while he might not like it, Eugene is more than capable of helping until school starts up." Victoria replied, pointing out that her youngest didn't go back to Berkley for another three weeks. "We'll take it one day at a time."

Heath gave Victoria a crooked smile and then left, saying he was going to tell Jarrod the he was going to have company on the trip to Virginia City. After Heath had disappeared inside, Victoria turned her attention back to the corral. For a small moment, she could see Nick breaking in a horse, and then laughing and talking with his family.

"Please," she sent a silent word upwards. "Help them find Nick. Help us reconcile..." she paused in her thoughts and then added with a broken heart, "even if it means he continues living away from the ranch." She remained where she was standing for a solid five minutes before turning around and going inside.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Jarrod and Heath made their way through the crowd of people surrounding the train station; they'd tethered their horses to a nearby hitching post. Once inside the ticket office they were relieved to see there were actually very few people inside the building, though the gentleman behind the counter looked like he needed a break.

"Busy morning," Jarrod commented as he and Heath walked up to the counter and set their bags down.

The gentleman, a red haired man in his thirties named James Tyrell, gave a loud 'harumph' and then nodded. "If you had walked in twenty minutes ago, you'd have been hard pressed to find a place to stand. I want to know who opened the cattle gate." He didn't think he'd have to explain the last part was simply another way of saying he wanted to know why things had gotten so busy that morning.

"Is there any room on the train heading to Virginia City?" Heath asked.

"Train schedule changed," The gentleman apologized. "No train's heading to Virginia City for three days…they've had trouble with a part of the railroad tracks."

Three days! Neither Jarrod and Heath wanted to wait that long. "How about Carson City?" Jarrod glanced out the window. If they could ride the train to that town, he and Heath could always ride their horses the rest of the way….even if it was slower going by horseback, they'd still reach Virginia City before the train was carrying passengers that way again.

"You're in luck." Mr. Tyrell handed Jarrod and Heath two tickets and took the money Jarrod handed him. "Those are the last two seats on the train. Anyone else wishing to go to Carson City will just have to wait-of go another way."

"Thanks," the two brothers picked up their bags and walked out the door. Once they'd retrieved their horses and put them in the baggage car, they boarded the train and found their seats.

As Heath and Jarrod sat down they noticed an older, salt and peppered haired gentleman, whose face seemed to have a half dozen rugged lines chiseled on his cheeks and forehead, sitting across the aisle. There was an air of familiarity about him, but neither brother could place him. Also, right or wrong, they both found themselves hoping they'd age better than the stranger had. They would have turned their attention away from the stranger only the gentleman surprised them when he started talking to them.

"Do you mind listening to the ramblings of an old man who can see more than others give him credit for?" The stranger was looking more at Jarrod than Heath, so Jarrod chose to answer.

"I don't mind." Jarrod looked at Heath, the look he gave his blonde haired brother asked if he would mind.

"Go ahead," Heath gave the stranger a crooked smile, seeing no reason to be impolite to the gentleman.

"First, I'm sorry if I'm out line in asking, only the two of you are looking for someone, aren't you?" The old man hurried to add, due to the uncomfortable look that appeared in both Heath's and Jarrod's eyes, "I'm not asking for names or details. I just want to know if what I saw in your eyes as you boarded the train was right."

Heath and Jarrod, who were surprised to realize they had, unintentionally, been looking at every person they could as they boarded the train, nodded. "Yes, we are. Why do you ask?"

The old man sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I've been looking for someone myself, for many years. Don't know that I'll ever find him."

Jarrod's mind turned to Nick again while Heath thought not only on an estranged brother he'd never known, but past friends who had fought in the war. Both brothers felt empathy for the old man as they said simultaneously, "The war."

The old man nodded. "Words were exchanged last time I saw him, ones I wish could be taken back." Heath and Jarrod could see the older gentleman was fighting to control his emotions. "I've looked for my son for years, hired professionals to search for him. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I finally stopped paying professionals to search as all I was doing was wasting money, but my eyes are always open. Before I move on, I wish to reconcile with him."

Jarrod and Heath said nothing, both hoping their search for their estranged brother would not prove to be as fruitless as the stranger's had been. The old man looked towards the window as the train pulled out of the station. "I hope you find who you're looking for. Looking for years, and finding nothing, is a hurt that never really goes away." The old man closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

"We'll find him." Heath looked at Jarrod, who was looking out the window next to him- his eyes still full of regret. "Maybe not in Virginia City, but we'll still find him.

"I hope so." Jarrod replied after a few moments of silence. "I really do hope we're not wasting our time."

Nothing more was said as the two brothers fell silent…Jarrod still thinking on the events that led to Nick having to choose between his family and the woman he loved, a woman who was totally innocent of what her own sister had tried to frame her for. For Heath's part, he allowed himself the luxury of getting a bit of sleep before they reached Reno. Upon switching trains, Heath and Jarrod headed for Carson City. The two brothers were almost to their destination when Heath was startled to have a memory from eighteen sixty seven come back to him. The memory was only of twenty minutes of one night. Only now, thinking on the fact that Julia had admitted the streets of Virginia City had been quite noisy when she'd seen Melissa and the night he'd camped out between Carson City and Virginia, Heath sat straight up…which naturally made Jarrod take notice.

"What is it?" Jarrod.

"Ever since I joined the family Nick has been referred to by his nickname or his legal name of Nicolas. What was his full name?" Heath wasn't surprised the surprised look that appeared in Jarrod's eyes.

Was Heath kidding? He had been with the family for eight years! Surely someone had mentioned Nick's full name in all that time. As if he sensed what Jarrod was thinking, Heath shook his head and reaffirmed what he'd said. "I never thought to ask and, no, no one in the family has ever referred to Nick by his full name."

While Jarrod still found that to be amazing, he had to admit he couldn't remember calling his missing brother by anything but Nick…and he knew Heath didn't lie. "Nicolas Jonathon Barkley….why?" Jarrod leaned forward as he asked the question, sensing the answer was extremely important; it was.

Heath sucked in his breath and said, "Baker…not Barker."

"What?" Now it was Jarrod who was sitting as if someone had pushed on his back, causing him to straight up.

"The noise…Julia thought her sister was called Mrs. Barker…it was Mrs. Baker."

The truth of what Heath might be saying hit Jarrod in the chest, and he let out a quick breath. "You met them?"

"No, but met a friend of theirs. He was on his way home from a church social and a couple of men tried to cause him trouble. After I chased the unwanted men away, the gentleman said he was extremely grateful as 'my foreman, Jonathon Baker and his wife, Melissa, will be downright worried if I don't show up soon'. We don't need to start looking around Virginia City; we need to ride out to the Ponderosa and talk to Ben Cartwright. See if Nick is still working for him. If not, where he was heading to when he left."

Jarrod found his heart racing, for the first time since leaving Stockton, he allowed himself the luxury of hoping he'd find Nick…or at least get another good lead.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

A/N This is the only chapter Adam Cartwright is in. Also, Ben will be in two chapters, not one.

When the train pulled into Carson City, Jarrod and Heath wasted no time. They hurried and retrieved their horses. They would have simply started riding towards Virginia City only they needed to pick up a few supplies. Even though Virginia City was only *eleven miles away, it was going to take a good part of the day to get there. Since it was already three in the afternoon, the two brothers figured they'd have a night camping before reaching Virginia City.

"We best find the livery stable first." Jarrod looked around as he and Heath rode away from the train station. "I don't think most businesses would appreciate if we tied our horses in front of their stores." The moment the words were out of his mouth, Jarrod couldn't help but start laughing-just a little.

Due to the flash of pain that accompanied the chuckle, Heath asked, "Nick?"

"Yeah," Jarrod allowed himself to smile. "At fifteen, Nick once spent a few hours in jail because he and a friend got drunk for the first time. In their drunken state of mind, they thought riding their horses into one of the stores that was in the process of being built was a good idea. After all, only the frame of the store was up-and there were openings available."

Heath laughed at the picture of anyone trying to get a horse through the extremely small space that would have existed in such a situation. By the time they found the livery stable, twenty minutes had gone by. In a matter of a few minutes, the two brothers were walking towards one of the general stores in town.

As they passed by the bank a tall, balding, gentleman dressed all in black stepped out and almost hit Jarrod. "I'm sorry, sir. I should have watched where I was going, something I usually do."

"The name is Jarrod Barkley. This is my brother, Heath." Jarrod gestured towards Heath and then added, "It's okay, Mr. …" Jarrod held out his hand looked at the stranger as is to ask for the man's identity.

The stranger smiled, took the offered hand and replied, "Name's Cartwright, Adam Cartwright. Nice to meet you."

Cartwright! Jarrod threw a glance towards Heath, who looked just as surprised as Jarrod felt.

"Don't tell me, you've heard my name…or at least my last one." Adam grinned when both Heath and Jarrod nodded in the affirmative.

"I crossed paths with a Ben Cartwright a number of years back." Heath replied, and then went on to tell Adam they were traveling to Virginia City and why. "Don't suppose Ben's related to you, and if you know if our brother is working on the Ponderosa."

Adam scratched his chin and then shrugged his shoulders. "Ben Cartwright is my father and, yes, I've met Jonathon Baker and his wife. However," he quickly added to the excited look that leapt into the two men's eyes, "I haven't been on the Ponderosa since 1866. My brother, Joe and I fought on opposite sides during the war. Afterwards, we went home. Only, feelings were still running high, and I decided to travel to Australia in order to follow my dreams. We eventually started writing back and forth. Now, my wife and I decided it was time for us to come home for a visit." He admitted that any letters that were exchanged had only held information on his family members, not the ranch hands his father employed. "Even if Pa or my brothers were inclined to write about Jonathon and Melissa in their letters, they wouldn't have."

Jarrod, puzzled, asked, "Why?"

"Before I left, I heard Jonathon asked them not to. His exact words 'When you start writing-and I feel strongly you will-leave me out of the letters." Adam said as he turned and started walking down the boardwalk. Naturally, Jarrod and Heath joined him. "I admit it made me curious only, since I figured the war was behind his words, I left it alone." Adam went on to say Jarrod and Heath could travel with him and his family to the Ponderosa if they wanted. "Jonathon might still be there; he might not. If not, Pa could probably at least give you a direction to look in. Though, you should know my family and I won't be leaving Carson City for a couple of days, visiting some friends who moved here from Australia."

"Thanks, but no thanks." Jarrod shook his head. If they stayed in Carson City, they might as well have stayed in Stockton and waited for the trains to start running to Virginia City again. "If you'll be kind enough to draw us a map to your father's home, we'd appreciate it. It would save us a trip into Virginia City.

"I would be more than happy to do that only I need to make a quick trip to church, promised my wife to see if the reverend and his wife are still the same ones who visited us in our home. Do you need to get anything while I keep my promise? We could meet at the saloon afterwards."

"That will be fine." Jarrod looked down the street and located the general store. "We need to get a few supplies anyway. We'll meet you in forty-five minutes…give or take a few minutes."

"All right." Adam smiled and walked away while Jarrod and Heath headed for the general mercantile.

A/N: I am using information from off the internet when it comes to the distance between Carson City and Virginia City. I would share the link only -as far as I know- FF. net does not allow that.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

A/N When I said Adam was in one chapter, I forgot about the flashback Jarrod has in this one. Adam is in the flashback. Also, Ben will be in two chapters, not one.

By the time nine o'clock at night rolled around Heath and Jarrod were sitting around the campfire they'd built upon choosing the spot they would sleep for the night. Jarrod looked at a folded pieced of paper that he held in his hands. It was the map Adam had drawn for Jarrod and Heath while sitting in one of Carson City's saloons - there were actually three establishments that served drinks to whoever walked through their doors. He could still hear what Adam had told them about Jonathon Baker whom Adam had described to the two Barkley brothers. Jarrod ran the scene in the saloon through his mind once more.

 _"Six feet tall, hazel eyes, loud, opinionated and stubborn as can be." Adam smiled, "But a very hard worker and extremely honest. Jonathon was our favorite employee if the truth told-even if Pa or I had to bail him out of jail once or twice." Adam set his beer down as he handed the map he'd just drawn to the famous Stockton attorney. "Of course," he chuckled, "it helped that Little Joe needed out too." Adam went on to say it had amazed all the Cartwrights when Hop Sing willingly started sharing the kitchen with Melissa. "He's quite protective of his kitchen, but your sister-in-law-if that's who she indeed is-was amazing and worked so well with him. She even learned Chinese."_

 _"Did he ever talk about his past at all?" Jarrod, who knew the instant Adam started describing Jonathon it was Nick he was talking about, asked…even as he once again saw the look that had appeared on Nick's face when he was told to take Melissa to the law and then return home._

 _Adam eyes filled with compassion and sympathy for the two brothers; Heath was silently asking the same question, but sugar coating anything wouldn't help anyone. "If he did, it wasn't to me. The most I ever got was 'I didn't want to choose, but I felt as if I'd been backed into a corner and had to. And, before, you ask, his wife never spoke a word when it came to that subject either. As I've already stated, I didn't press the issue due to my own assumptions and," he flicked his wrist, "the fact that an extreme amount of pain appeared in both their eyes the two times Joe tried to bring up the subject. The second time Pa flat out forbade any of us to question them, said as long as they weren't running from the law to leave it alone."_

"You in there?" Heath tapped lightly on Jarrod's shoulder, causing his brother to jump just a little. Heath would have laughed if the situation wasn't so serious.

"Sorry, I was lost in thought. What were you saying?" Jarrod put the map inside his vest.

"I was saying if we get up just before sunrise I'm sure we can get to the Ponderosa by noon. For that matter, it wouldn't surprise me if we got there by eight or nine." Heath would have said more, only he didn't see what more he could say than he already had.

"Good idea," Jarrod rose and started to walk away only to turn around and look at Heath. "Thanks for coming along. Though, I don't suppose you would admit it was Mother's idea."

Heath's lopsided grin appeared on his face and he nodded ever so slightly. "She's a five star general in disguise." He winked at Jarrod as he made the reply, and then quickly assured Jarrod he'd wanted to go along even before Victoria had asked him.

At the general comment, Jarrod chuckled ever so slightly. He then turned away and walked over to his bedroll. If he they were going to be up before dawn, he needed to get some rest…if he was able to relax that is.

While Jarrod and Heath prepared to retire for the night, Audra sat in a chair she'd taken outside and set on the front porch. It didn't take long for Gene and their mother to join her.

"Do you think they'll actually find him?" Gene, who had been thinking hard since his two brothers had left to follow the lead Julia had handed Heath, looked at his mother and sister. "Do you think he'll come back?"

Victoria didn't reply at first-mostly because she was- as she'd done so many times through the years- remembering the look in Nick's eyes after she'd ordered him to take Melissa to the law, the one that continued to be in his eyes as he'd turned and walked out of the house with Melissa. Back then she told herself all she saw was a sixteen year old throwing a silent temper tantrum. However, as the years passed, she'd come to realize he had nothing close to that in his eyes. What she had seen, but refused to recognize at the time, was someone who had just been thrown into the worst place a person could find themselves in.….having to turn their back on someone who they not only knew was completely innocent, but someone they loved… or give up their family. Since Nick had known without a shadow of a doubt that it was Julia who was guilty and loved Melissa with all his heart, he could not turn his back on the young woman. "I hope they do." Victoria finally replied as she looked up at the sparkling stars hanging in the night sky. "If they do, I don't know whether or not he'll come back to the ranch. After all, it's been eleven years since the war ended. He and your sister-in-law have built themselves a life elsewhere. Still, we need to make things right with him. No," she corrected herself. "I need to apologize to him. He deserved the courtesy of having me at least listen to him."

Since Gene and Audra had been so young at the time the Civil War took place- and the situation with Nick had not fully come to light until Julia had arrived in town, Audra asked her mother the same thing Heath had-why she hadn't listened…and why Tom had backed her up on it.

Victoria repeated, basically, what she'd told Heath and then added, "Don't blame your father for this. As you both know, I can be a bear to live with when I'm angry. He simply didn't want more tension in the house. There was too much as it was. Later, when we realized what Nick had done, your father said he had hoped to pull Nick aside and hear him out. He figured that if, after doing so, he found out Nick was right, he would get me to sit down and listen to your brother. Now," she stood up and looked at her two youngest. "I think we best get some sleep. Staying up isn't going to move anything along any faster." Victoria walked away.

After a few minutes of silence, Audra stood up and disappeared into the house as well. As for Gene, he remained standing on the porch remembering the night he'd stood next to the upstairs railing listening to the fight between Nick, Jarrod and their parents. That night he'd taken the first journal he'd ever owned-a gift from his parents- and wrote 'Nick walked out of the house after a fight with our parents and our older brother. I wonder if he'll ever come back.' Gene sighed as he too turned and walked back into the house.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Ben Cartwright was standing on his porch watching the sunrise when Jarrod and Heath-who had wound up being unable to sleep more than five hours and ridden away from their campsite at three in the morning-rode around the corner of the barn and into the Cartwright Patriarch's front yard. He was surprised at the hour they showed up at his home, but not their visit…as Adam had sent him a telegram the day before.

 _Jarrod and Heath Barkley coming your way STOP Jonathon's brothers STOP Do not tell Jonathon STOP They need to reconcile STOP If Jonathon is there STOP_

Never having met any of the Barkleys, Ben wasn't about to say anything. He simply stepped off the porch once his visitors had stopped their horses and asked, "May help you?"

As Jarrod dismounted, he introduced himself and his brother, along with from where they had traveled from and why. "We were hoping Nick-or Jonathon as you call him- was still working here."

Ben didn't reply at first. Finally, he sighed and nodded towards the house. "You are early, and I dare say you've had nothing-or very little-to eat. Come on in the house. Hop Sing will have breakfast ready soon. We can talk while we get some nourishment."

While Jarrod and Heath weren't about to turn down a good meal, they didn't like the look that had appeared in Mr. Cartwright's eyes-nor his apparent hesitation to talk about Nick. The horrible thought that Nick had-somehow-passed away crept into their thoughts. Though, they shook it off and accepted Ben's invitation.

Once inside Heath and Jarrod took a quick look around. The Cartwright home may not have been as huge as the Barkleys'; still, it was rather impressive. The first thing that caught their eyes were the pictures on the wall and on the mantle. The fact that a younger, thinner Adam was dressed in Union outfit while a brown hair young man was dressed in a confederate uniform was proof of what Adam had told them in Carson City. There was also a picture of a giant of man. Since Adam had told them all about Joe and Hoss, they knew who they were looking at.

However, the portrait that reached out and grabbed the two brothers-especially Jarrod-was one of Nick and Melissa; he was dressed in his military uniform while Melissa wore a blue skirt and a white blouse covered with frills. A beautiful cameo was in the middle of the blouse.

"They consented to have their portrait painted after the war ended." Ben, who wasn't surprised to see Jarrod and Heath looking at the portrait, went on to explain that-having met one of the Cartwright's dear friends during the war and being told all about the Cartwrights-Nick had brought Melissa to the ranch. "He needed some place safe for her to stay. Since Hoss and his wife were living here at the time, I saw nothing wrong in letting Melissa stay while Nick rejoined his unit." Ben turned away from the pictures and headed for the table.

' _I'm so sorry. You never should have found the need to have Ben take you in.'_ Jarrod thought as he followed Ben and Heath to the table. After sitting down and having grace, Jarrod pressed Ben to tell him if Nick was still on the ranch-or if he wasn't, where he'd gone too. "Our family's wanted to make peace with Nick for a long time." Jarrod explained. "Only we could never find him…not even a decent lead. That is, not until a few days ago." He went on to explain what had happened.

Ben set his fork down. After a few painful moments of silence, he leaned back in his chair and started talking. "Before I tell you anything, would you mind going on a short ride with me? It won't take very long. There is something you should see while I tell you what I know."

Jarrod and Heath looked at each, a great amount of concern could be seen in their eyes. However, they saw no reason not to tell Ben they would join him. "Sure, but on the condition you tell us everything you know." Jarrod replied as he finished eating the eggs Hop Sing had prepared for them.

"Deal." Ben agreed. Thirty minutes later the three gentlemen were mounting their horses and riding away from the house.

They passed one tree after another, rode around various sized boulders and went up and down a few hills before a crystal blue lake appeared off in the distance. If it wasn't for the site of five crosses, Jarrod and Heath would have wondered why Ben had brought them here.

Fear gripped Jarrod's heart as he forced himself to ask, "Whose graves are those?"

Ben replied, even as a look of sadness passed over his eyes. "One belongs to my third wife, Maria. The second one belongs to my son, Hoss. He died a few years ago trying to save some people from a river that flooded. His widow and my grandchildren live in Virginia City with her sister. The third one belongs to my youngest son's first wife; she died in a fire. You would have met him only he's remarried and living with his family on another part of the ranch. I'll probably be seeing them this afternoon." He paused and then quietly, "It's the other two graves I feel you have the right to see while I tell you what I know." He pushed Buck towards the graves.

Jarrod wanted to demand that Ben tell them if the two graves belonged to Nick and Melissa only the gentleman was already halfway to the graves. That being the case, they followed him with no objection. Soon Ben was dismounting his horse. He walked over to the two farthest headstones and then looked back at Jarrod and Heath, as if to ask them if they were coming.

Heath and Jarrod, looking at each other as if to say 'let's get this over with', dismounted their horses, walked over and looked at the headstones…and felt their jaws fall to the ground.


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter Seven_

 _Previously:_

 _Heath and Jarrod, looking at each other as if to say 'let's get this over with', dismounted their horses, walked over and looked at the headstones…and felt their jaws fall to the ground._

Jarrod's head felt like it was whirling as he traced the name on the first headstone, along with the dates. THOMAS BARKLEY BAKER OCTOBER 4 1864 – JANUARY 4 1865. No wonder Adam had not mentioned this child-Melissa had birthed the child-and had had to bury it with the help of the Cartwrights-while the war was still raging. He could only imagine how Nick had felt after the war…going home to a wife that was grieving the loss of their first child. His hand moved to the second headstone-and his heart ached for his brother and sister-in-law even harder. NICOLAS JAMES BAKER SEPTEMBER 18, 1867 – JULY 1, 1868. Again…he could see why Adam had said nothing-he had already left for Australia and knew nothing of this child either.

"How did they die?" Heath asked, after seeing how the headstones had affected Jarrod, who was still kneeling in front of the graves.

"Thomas was born a month early." Ben spoke quietly. "He fought like crazy, as did the rest of us. James," Ben shook his head, "Typhoid ran through Virginia City back in '68. Lost a ranch hand, James and came close to losing your brother as well." He couldn't help but chuckle. "Melissa grabbed his pajama collar and shook him slightly. She yelled, basically, 'I've had to bury two babies! If you make me bury you as well, I'll dig you up after the funeral and kill you all over again!" He scratched his chin and smiled. "I'd like to know how you take the life of a dead man." He proceeded to tell them Nick's fever broke a few hours later.

"Do they have any other children?" Jarrod, who had gotten control of himself, stood up and turned his attention to Ben.

Ben turned and started walking, only stopping by the edge of the lake. For a split second, Jarrod and Heath feared the gentleman would say a third child had lost when they drowned. That fear vanished as Ben shrugged his shoulders. "Melissa miscarried two babies-both times were in the first three months. Now? Maybe," he turned sideways, as Jarrod and Heath had walked up beside him. "Unfortunately, Julia came through town while they were still grieving for James." Ben shook his head. "As I can tell you, grief can mess with one's mind-as I sadly know. Melissa came back to the Ponderosa practically in hysterics. She was afraid Julia was going to make more trouble for them-and she didn't want Julia anywhere near the boys' graves. Nick and I tried to tell her that, if Julia made trouble , we would handle it." Ben turned back to the lake. "To her credit, Melissa did her best to relax, but she just couldn't. She was losing sleep, losing weight and-quite frankly-scaring the living daylights out of Nick and myself. Finally, I wrote to a friend of mine who has a small ranch outside Reno. I said that they'd buried two children in short space of time and needed a change of scenery. He wrote back, offered Jonathon a job and a place for him and Melissa to live. They left here just before the first snow fell in eighteen sixty-nine."

Jarrod frowned slightly. Seven years ago… around the time the railroad started making small rumbles, and some of that rumbling had come out of Reno. It bothered him that Nick had traveled down to Carson City to mail a letter to their father rather than mail it from Reno. To him that told him to what lengths his brother had gone to keep them from finding him and Melissa. "They haven't written to you?" The moment Jarrod asked the question, he just knew what he was going to hear.

"At first Melissa did, but then the letters gradually slowed down and stopped two years ago. I don't know if it's because something happened to them or what." He looked around at the trees and grass and then back at the two brothers. "Go to Reno. Ask for directions to William Peterson's ranch. If they're not there, he would be the one who would have the highest chance of knowing where they went." Ben then invited them to spend the day at his home before continuing on their search.

"We appreciate your time and for showing us this," Jarrod pointed his nephews' graves. "However, we need to catch a train to Reno. The sooner the better."

While Ben understood where Jarrod was coming from, there was nothing he could do about a train's schedule. "Train for Reno never leaves before three in the afternoon. You might as well come back to the house and do your best to relax before you leave." Ben headed for his horse, which he'd tethered to a nearby tree.

Heath and Jarrod, whose horses had stuck close to their owners, were soon mounted and following back to the house. On the way Ben told them various stories about Nick and Melissa's time on his ranch. "He and my Joe became pretty good friends. He hated seeing Jonathon and Melissa leave, but he understood."

Thinking about how he'd asked Adam if Nick ever talked about the family, Jarrod took a chance and asked Ben the same thing. "I was just wondering." He added afterwards.

Ben closed his eyes for a split second, and then opened them up. A small amount of guilt appeared in his eyes. "Truth is I was elated to see the two of you ride up, not because of anything your brother said-he never talked about the past much. However, during the war -after Thomas was born-Melissa broke down and cried. She wanted so badly to have their real family told of his birth. Only, before Nick left to join his unit, she'd promised him she'd leave the decision of when-and if-they contacted anyone up to him. She had hoped that-once the war was over, once Nick saw his son-he'd want to …" His voice trailed off, though it didn't matter.

"He'd want to reconcile...instead he came home to a grave instead and had more grief piled on top of everything else." Jarrod finished the sentence.

"About the size it," Ben pulled up on his reins as his house came into site. "Look, I know free advice is seldom taken only I'd like to give you some anyway. If, no, when you find your brother, meet in the middle. That is," Ben looked at Heath, but quickly turned his attention to Jarrod, "the road to becoming a family again doesn't have to be that long…if both of you simply listen to each other, really listen. And, before you say anything, I'm sure Nick will listen-as long as he doesn't feel like he's being attacked."

"Sounds like good advice," Jarrod pushed Jingo forward, as did Heath and Ben.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Jarrod and Heath shook hands with Ben Cartwright, thanked him for his hospitality and then climbed the few steps that lead up to passenger cars. Since they were among the first to board the train, they had no difficulty finding a seat. While other people found their seats, Heath watched Jarrod-who was looking out the window. The blonde haired cowboy might have thought the Stockton attorney was simply trying to get an idea if the train would be full or not only he could tell, by the look in Jarrod's eyes, the gentleman wasn't seeing the present when he looked out the window; he wasn't.

' _What do you think it will be like? Do you think you'll change?" Nick stood in Jarrod's room; the oldest Barkley was due to report to a Union unit within the week. While the Barkleys didn't know it, Nick would be joining the fight before the year was out._

" _Don' t know, but with both sides shooting at each other," Jarrod shut the lid to his suitcase. "It's not going to be a picnic. As far as change goes; for better or for worse, time will do that- war or no war."_

Changes, Jarrod sighed. He had expected a lot of changes, but not even close to the ones they got.

" _How could you!" Jarrod stood in his commander's office seething with anger, only the anger wasn't directed at his commander. It was directed a Julia Saxon-who sat on a chair with an MP on each side of her. Copies of the evidence Nick had written about in his letter to Jarrod had just been handed to him by Colonel Pierce-his commanding Officer. "You lied to me! Now Matt Parker is dead, and who knows where Nick and Melissa are!"_

" _Back off, Captain." Colonel Pierce stood up from his chair when Jarrod took a step towards the Southern spy. "We'll deal with her. As I said, I only pulled you in here and told you everything because Colonel Kendall asked me to. You are excused."_

" _Yes, sir." Jarrod turned and quickly exited the room. He then went for a long walk._

"Jarrod?" Heath's voice brought the oldest Barkley back to the present.

"Sorry," Jarrod, who thought he must have missed something, turned away from the window. "Were you saying something?"

"Just asked if you were okay," Heath pointed towards Jarrod's left hand-which was balled up in the tightest fist he'd ever seen the lawyer make.

Jarrod's eyes followed Heath's gaze. He unfolded his fist. "I'm fine."

"Want to talk about it?" Heath asked as the train pulled out of the station.

Jarrod shrugged his shoulders. "Not much to tell really, just thinking back to when my colonel sent for me at Colonel Kendall's request and what-I mean-who was with him when I entered. Guess Kendell wanted to reinforce the fact that Nick had been telling the truth. Man never spoke more than a few sentences to me for the rest of the war-told people I cost him the best soldier he had when I spoke up and told my parents about the evidence I had against Melissa."

Heath shook his head and again told Jarrod to stop blaming himself. "If anyone is to blame, it's Julia. We both know that."

"I have told myself that countless times through the years." Jarrod stretched his legs. "Only problem is, my heart keeps forgetting. Besides, he was right about one thing…in spite of my desire to protect Nick, I never should have said anything until solid evidence was in the hand of a prosecutor."

"I'd say you learned to keep your mouth shut well-when it comes to any evidence of any kind. When it comes to remembering you're not the one to blame, I'll keep reminding you until you get tired of hearing my voice and listen." Heath's crooked grin appeared on his face.

"I'll never get tired of hearing your voice, Heath." Jarrod smiled and closed his eyes. "Just wish I could hear Nick's again."

Heath might have said something only Jarrod's last words were spoken rather softly. Since his brother had not slept very well the night before, the blonde haired cowboy figured Jarrod needed some sleep. That being the case he allowed his own thoughts to wander…mostly to the fact that he wondered if they found Nick would he be able to accept Heath as well. He started to wonder if it wouldn't have been better to have Jarrod make this trip by himself and then, if he'd found Nick, he could iron things out with him…and then tell Nick about their father's affair and Heath. Maybe he should just catch a train back to Stockton when they rolled into Reno. He was shocked when Jarrod, who had pulled his hat down over his face, lifted the hat, looked at Heath and then said, "Don't even go there, Brother Heath. You're coming with me to the Peterson ranch, you hear?" He lowered his hat before Heath could reply.

Heath stared at Jarrod. How on earth had he done that? The moment he asked the question, he could see Audra on the front porch talking to him before he and Jarrod left. Actually, he'd been on the porch while Jarrod had gone back in the house to get something he'd forgotten. ' _Gene and I call him Pappy not only because he helped Mother with us when Father died, but because we swear he can read our minds!"_

"You may not be able to read minds all the time, dear brother." Heath said only to himself. "But you sure seem to be able to do it this time."

While the train was supposed to be in Reno by five o'clock, it didn't arrive until almost eight at night-due to mechanical problems along the way. That being the case, instead of beginning the process of asking around for someone who would give them directions to William Peterson's ranch, Heath and Jarrod found the nearest hotel and checked in. Both hoped they'd get a fair amount of sleep before morning came. Though, wondering how Nick and Melissa would react when they saw Jarrod and Heath-or if they were still even around-made sleep difficult to come. It was one in the morning before Heath fell asleep while Jarrod was awake until two thirty.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Morning had come early-too early. After dressing and then eating at the hotel's dining room, Jarrod and Heath began visiting various businesses-trying to find someone who not only could tell them where the Peterson ranch was, but also someone who might be willing to actually take them there. After all, the last thing they wanted was to find themselves taking a wrong turn and getting lost. Finally, after stepping into a small feed store, the two brothers found what they were looking for.

"Sure, I know where the Peterson ranch is. Kind of hard not to-William's a good customer, comes into town at least once a week. Though, before you ask, he's already come into town this week." A plump gentleman with just enough hair to wrap around the sides of his head named Carl Miller, smiled wide. "I make trips out that way though. In fact, I'll be leaving in a few minutes. If you want to tag along, I don't mind. Just wait outside, there's a bench you can use while you wait."

"Thanks, we'll do just that." Jarrod and Heath walked out of the store and sat on the bench they passed when entering the building.

"You know, we could have just asked about Nick." Heath, who had been thinking on the matter, leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees while allowing his hands to hang loose.

"Yes, we could have." Jarrod stretched out while resting his one arm on the back of the bench.

"But…" Heath turned his head slightly-as he kept his eyes on the myriad of people coming and going on the streets of Reno.

"He's gone to great lengths to keep his whereabouts from the family." Jarrod turned to Heath, pain still showing in his eyes. "I don't want to have him run before I at least get a chance to talk to him, apologize if I can…even find out why he hasn't reached out to contact us after all this time and tell him about Father, along with Father's last words to me about Nick and that time period."

Heath couldn't argue with him on that one. Besides, even if he wanted to, he saw a stranger standing on the opposite boardwalk, though the man was on a diagonal slant from them. The stranger was about five foot nine; maybe ten, inches. He had broad shoulders and premature white hair. It had to be premature-the man didn't look a day over thirty-other than the white hair. The fact that he was studying them, concerned Heath. He wasn't the only one who was wondering about the stranger. Jarrod had noticed him too.

"You know him?" Jarrod asked, hoping they weren't going to run into any trouble.

"Nope, never saw him before." Heath said as the man turned around and walked away.

The two brothers started discussing the incident, and the possibility he'd heard they were looking for Jonathon Barker only to have Mr. Miller step outside and tell them to follow him. While they walked, Mr. Miller talked up a storm telling them all about the Petersons and the people living on the other ranches outside city limits. The gentleman continued talking as they reached the far end of town where the horses and buggies were kept. Jarrod and Heath got their horses while Mr. Miller got his horse and buggy. He continued talking up a storm-causing Heath and Jarrod to look at each other as if to ask 'if the man doesn't stop to breath, we'll need a doctor with us'. Of course, they said no such thing out loud and paid just enough attention to keep from making fools of themselves. By the time they reached the Peterson ranch, Mr. Miller had finally run out of things to say….that or the sight of a salt and pepper haired gentleman standing on the porch of a nice sized-but not overly huge-stone home shut him up. Either way, Jarrod and Heath were grateful the man was no longer gossiping-as he hadn't really said anything that interested them anyway.

"Brought you some company," Mr. Miller pulled his rig to a stop and looked at Mr. Peterson, who was leaning against one of the porch's post, nodded.

"So Eric tells me," Then, due to the confusion that appeared in all three men's eyes, Mr. Peterson explained his foreman had been in town, heard that two men were looking for Jonathon and had seen the Barkley men walk out of the store. "He rode his horse as fast as he could-without harming the animal- to come and tell me."

The man they'd seen in town! Jarrod and Heath thought as they looked at each other before dismounting their horses. "Does Jonathon still work here?" Jarrod had to force himself to say his brother's middle name, knowing the chances of Nick handing out his first one was slim to none.

"You can stable your horses in my barn." The gentleman pointed to a building not a hundred feet from the house. Afterwards, you can come on inside," Mr. Peterson said before asking Mr. Miller if there was anything else he needed.

"Nope, need to get a few small items out to Jacob." Mr. Miller smiled, turned around rode away-not wishing to be at Jacob's place any longer than he had to be; Jacob was another rancher in the area only he wasn't well liked due to his sour disposition.

Jarrod and Heath didn't like that Mr. Peterson hadn't flat out given them an answer. However, they said nothing as they headed to the barn with their horses. Only after they were taking care of their animals, did Heath speak. "Not going to find out anything until we do as he says," He opened one of the stalls and led Charger inside, after removing his saddle and removing the animal's bridle.

A part of Jarrod wanted to roll his eyes. His blonde haired brother didn't have to point out the obvious. "I know." He broke his silence as he shut the stall door after taking care of his own horse. "Guess I'm simply afraid of what might be coming. Seeing those two small headstones on Ben's ranch was enough of a shock."

Heath froze for a split second and then nodded in agreement. "I know, but staying out here isn't going to help get any answers. Should we go?" He gestured towards the door.

"Might as well," Jarrod followed Heath out of the barn and headed for their host, who was still waiting for them on the porch.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Jarrod and Heath looked around the Peterson's living room. From the size of the house, they had not expected such a large living room. There was a piano that sat in the northeast corner. A fireplace was on the west side. A large rug, along with a nice sized mahogany, round table sat in the middle of the room. The sofa they sat on was against a large window on the south side of the room. There were a few chairs as well; Mr. Peterson sat, legs crossed in one that sat off to the right of the fireplace. There was also a built in bookcase on part of the east wall. They could tell by the look of conflict in his eyes, the gentleman was experiencing quite the inner turmoil. It did not help them relax.

"Is our brother alive?" Jarrod finally had to ask the one question that had been bothering him since their arrival.

"Yes," Mr. Peterson shifted his weight. "Only he's not working for me anymore, left two years ago."

"Where is he now?" Jarrod figured if the gentleman knew Nick was alive, he had to know where he was.

William, who admired Nick greatly, felt the same as Ben and Adam…Nick needed to reconcile with his family. However, he wasn't just going to send these men away without making sure they knew everything he did. In his opinion, they needed the information.

"Before I say anything, how much did Ben tell you?" William didn't want to repeat things his guests already knew.

Jarrod sighed and told their host that they knew about Melissa's miscarriages and the loss of their first two children. "Is there more? Besides the fact that he knew about the intentions the railroad had towards Father and the farmers that lived around Stockton," The fact that Nick would warn them about the railroad, but stay away from the fight or keep tabs on the situation well enough to know their father had been killed irritated Jarrod, but he wasn't going to say that to Mr. Peterson.

William tapped his chair and kept a steady gaze on Jarrod and Heath. He then surprised them both apparently doing what Jarrod had done to Heath—replied in such a manner that made the two brothers think he had read Jarrod's mind. "You're wrong. Your brother did more than send those letters."

Jarrod and Heath's eyes widened as they felt shock waves go through them. "What do you mean, he did more? We haven't seen him since he left the house back in eighteen sixty-three, and those letters are the only time he's written!" Jarrod sat straight up, doing his best not to bark.

"He and my foreman went the rounds with a two of Jordon's men a couple months after he sent those letters. The men they fought had orders to kill your father. Instead, they lost their lives and your brother fought for two weeks to keep his." When Jarrod and Heath's mouths fell open, Mr. Peterson added, "Yes, he was wounded in the fight." He paused and then pulled the rug out from both brothers when he quietly added, "He blames himself for your father's death, bet you don't know that either."

"What?" The confusion Jarrod and Heath felt could be seen as clear as the noonday sun.

"He had an army friend overhear more plans being made to kill your father. He left him determined to stop the man as he and my foreman had the first two only your father was dead by the time he got to California." Mr. Peterson stood up, walked over to bookcase, pulled out what appeared to be a large book…only he shocked them by opening it up and revealing a hidden compartment instead. He walked over to where Heath and Jarrod were sitting and handed them the box.

Jarrod took the 'book' and he, along with Heath, looked inside. Their hearts skipped a beat as they saw their father's obituary, along with other paper-which Mr. Peterson informed them were copies of paperwork his foreman and Nick had turned over to the government. "I'm waiting to hear from your brother. I wrote to him and asked him what he wanted done with this box-I recently discovered it in the attic."

"This doesn't make sense." Jarrod looked at Mr. Peterson, feeling an array of emotions. "Why would he warn Father, risk his own life to keep our father alive and then do his best to get to California to keep him alive and not come to the house and talk to us? Why not come to the funeral?"

The moment Jarrod asked the last question he sucked in his breath and Heath said, as he stiffened up, "He did come! Didn't he?"

William slowly nodded his head. "There were thousands who attended that funeral…many who never met your brother. It was easy for him to slip in and out without anyone knowing he'd been there."

"But why?" Jarrod's logical mind needed an answer, one that made sense, and none of this was making any sense.

William, who had sat down once again, tapped the arm of his chair once more. He prayed he was right in telling these men everything he knew—or his opinions anyway. He finally decided to clarify he could only do that very thing-give them facts and his opinions. "The facts can't be changed, but I could be wrong in my observations. Once you actually meet up with your brother, he'd have to confirm anything I might say."

"Fair enough," Both Jarrod and Heath replied at the same time, something that had Mr. Peterson smiling just a little.

"I think it boils down to a few things. One, at first,…in his eyes he was protecting his wife. As far as he knew, none of you trusted or approved of her. Yes, he could have contacted you after the war and ironed that one out easy enough only when one is grieving they need the support of people who love and trust them." He saw Jarrod flinch just a little. Inwardly he sighed, and then continued. "I'm not going to hash over their time on Ben's ranch. I'm skipping to their time here." He paused and waited until Jarrod and Heath acknowledged they'd heard and understood.

Just as Mr. Peterson began talking, his wife came in and announced it was time for supper. "We can continue this conversation after supper, out on the porch. That is, if you two don't mind."

"We're fine with it." Jarrod told him as he and Heath followed their host out of the living room, down a short hallway and then turned into the kitchen that lay to their right.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

A/N Most of this story-so far- is the journey Jarrod and Heath make to get to Nick. It won't be long before Nick is actually in the story.

 _Excerpt from Ch Ten_

 _ **"I think it boils down to a few things. One, at first, in his eyes he was protecting his wife. As far as he knew, none of you trusted or approved of her. Yes, he could have contacted you after the war and ironed that one out easy enough only when one is grieving they need the support of people who love and trust them." He saw Jarrod flinch just a little. Inwardly he sighed, and then continued. "I'm not going to go over their time on Ben's ranch. I'm skipping to their time here." He paused and waited until Jarrod and Heath acknowledged they'd heard and understood."**_

Mr. Peterson, Jarrod and Heath each sat on the porch, either in chairs that had already been on the porch or in one that had been brought out of the house. Mr. Peterson offered Heath and Jarrod cigars, and then lit his personal pipe. After a few moments of awkward silence, Mr. Peterson began talking about Nick once more. "When I say this, I say it from personal experience; my daughter and I were estranged for a few years."

"What is that?" Both Heath and Jarrod asked.

"Sometimes a man-or woman-wants to repair a relationship only they simply don't seem to know how. Maybe it's fear of rejection again or; maybe, it's they can't seem to find the right words. Yes, those things can be overcome only," he sighed, "When you have an overwhelming amount of grief and pain in you, it can be extremely difficult, if not downright impossible. In spite of what I've heard many people say, it has nothing to do with pride or stubbornness in those cases."

Jarrod felt a horrible knot growing in his stomach, not only because of the truthfulness of the man's words, but because he felt Nick had to be carrying more grief and pain around than they'd already been told. Heath had to have felt the same way, as Jarrod could see the array of emotions playing out in Heath's eyes as well. "You said a few, what else is there?"

Mr. Peterson's shoulders slumped ever so slightly and replied, "We're not done with the second one." He stood up and started down the steps leading up to the porch. Jarrod and Heath felt cold shivers run down their backs as they stood up and followed the man. After the experience they'd had on the Ponderosa, they were greatly concerned when it came to where Mr. Peterson was going.

"Your brother was a very hard worker while he was here. I eventually made him my foreman, and he never asked the men to do something he wasn't willing to do himself. Oh sure, there was a few times-and they were few-I had to bail him out of jail for fighting. I didn't mind though…he never started the fights." A grin appeared on Mr. Peterson's face for fleeting a moment as he chuckled, "He just made sure he finished them. " He then grew quiet. "Melissa was a good woman, loving him, standing by him and she worked just as hard as he did. Don't think my wife will ever have any better help in the kitchen as she had when Melissa was there."

The three men walked past the barn and down a long and windy road as Mr. Peterson talked. The path had more twists and turns than the two Barkley brothers thought possible. Sure enough, as they turned around the last bend, Jarrod's and Heath's concerns were verified…a small graveyard lay not fifty feet from them.

"They lost more children?" Jarrod asked as he fought to control his voice, something he succeeded at only because of years of practice of doing that very thing while in a courtroom.

Mr. Peterson said nothing as he continued walking, leaving Jarrod and Heath no choice but to follow. Once they arrived at the cemetery, Mr. Peterson reached out and took a hold of the black iron gate and opened it up. Stepping inside, he walked over to three headstones and waited.

Jarrod and Heath found themselves holding their breath as they walked up to the graves, prepared to see more children's names. However, the moment they looked upon the headstones, Jarrod felt his legs go out from under him. Heath had to reach out and grab his brother to keep him from falling. However, the first headstone which read HYRUM RAY BAKER JUNE 1, 1870 – SEPTEMBER 1, 1871, and the second headstone-HOPE VICTORIA BAKER September 15, 1874-September 16,1874, wasn't what made Jarrod's legs go out from under him. It was the third headstone which did that. It read MELISSA SAXON BAKER JUNE 15, 1847 – SEPTEMBER 17 1874.

Both brothers felt their heads swirling. Nick had lost four children and his wife…and, to make it worse, the loss of the fourth child and his wife occurred in the space of twenty four hours. However, the rug under their feet continued to be pulled as Mr. Peterson began speaking. "Birthing one child is hard enough on a woman, but birthing twins raises the risks immensely."

"Twins?" Jarrod and Heath stared at their brother's friend.

"Twin girls," the gentleman turned his eyes away from the headstones and looked at his guests. "The second baby, Melissa Ann, survived-after struggling for a month to live. Your brother rocked the baby, talked to her-even sang to her. We helped him. Doctor said we and Jonathon were wasting our time, but none of us listened." The rancher sighed and said quietly, "If anything, I think that ornery, hot tempered brother of yours willed that child to live. After all, in his eyes, she was all he had left to hold onto, and holding onto something was exactly what he desperately needed."

"He could have had us...you said he risked his life to spare Father's once, and that he came to the funeral unaware." Jarrod snapped, not understanding his brother's contradictive actions.

Mr. Peterson said nothing for a moment. He then shook his head, "Your brother is full of grief and pain. As all men who served in the War, he saw and experienced things no mortal being should have to. He wasn't listened to by his own family, made to choose between them and the woman he loved. He continued to suffer one loss after another. Many men I know, who have gone through half of what he has, have turned to alcohol, drugs or lashing out at other people in order to avoid dealing with that pain. Jonathon has done none of that. He works hard, harder on the days when the pain starts getting too much. He helps his neighbors and, from what my friends he works with now say, he showers Melissa Ann with all the love he can. In fact, she's the main reason he refuses to be anyone's foreman now-says the responsibilities of that type of work would rob him of time he could spend with his daughter."

"What else is keeping him away?" Jarrod spoke up as the fire in his eyes died, replaced once again with pain-only this time most of the pain was for Nick, not just the family or any past guilt on their part. "Or, is it as you say, due to the grief and pain he just doesn't know how to make the first move?"

Mr. Peterson sighed, knowing his third observation needed to be said as well. "The amount of grief and pain, not knowing how to make that first move, has a lot to do with the continued estrangement. However," He hesitated and then shook his head. "There is one more issue adding to the extreme pain and grief your brother has inside of him. Though, in this case, I think I'm pretty safe to say your brother is wrong in his thinking, due to what I am pretty sure is wrong information. However, as you've already been told, grief and pain can confuse a person's reasoning abilities, making it impossible to see situations as they really are."

Jarrod and Heath looked at each other, and then back at Mr. Peterson. "And just what is the third issue-even if it's only imagined as you say?" Jarrod asked, knowing they were going to have to hear it if they were going to be of any help to Nick when they finally caught up with him.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Heath and Jarrod once again sat in the Peterson's living room. They waited for their host, who had disappeared into one of the bedrooms-saying he needed to get something before they continued their conversation. This gave Jarrod and Heath time to discuss all they'd learned.

"I can't imagine having, and losing, so much." Jarrod, who was sitting on the left side of the sofa, his elbow resting on the arm on the couch while he let his hand hang down. "I can definitely see why grief and pain would have made it difficult for him think straight-still wish they'd have come home before Melissa passed away. I'd like to have made peace with her before she crossed over."

Heath couldn't argue with that. How could he when he'd met more than one person who'd had occasion to say the same thing to him. "So, when we catch up with Nick make sure you do that with him-make peace with him that is."

"I can't help but wonder what else is playing a part in keeping him away from us." Jarrod said after a minute. "I mean, for what he did to warn Father, and then what he did…." Before he could finish his sentence, Mr. Peterson walked in carrying what appeared to be some type of journal. At least, they guessed that's what the book was…as it was too large to simply be a fictional book, and it had small, various colored, paper tabs attached to a number of its pages.

"When your brother took Melissa Ann and left here, he accidentally left this one journal behind. I didn't find it until a few months after he left-as I seldom have reason to go into our guest room." Mr. Peterson handed the journal to Jarrod. "It covers quite a few years. I sent a telegram to Jonathon." Mr. Peterson told them. "He said to keep the book here, that he'd get it next time he came through. Don't know when that's going to be only, since we still write back and forth, I figure it would happen sooner or later." He went on to say that- with their estranged brother's permission- he'd read the journal. He admitted he'd been the one to book mark the journal with the paper tabs. "Didn't really know why I was doing it, just got the strongest impression I needed to." He gestured up towards the ceiling and added, "Guess HE knew you'd be by sooner or later, and that you would need to read it for yourself-just hope Jonathon will forgive me. After all, a journal is very personal." Mr. Peterson paused and then said, "The third issue-one I'm sure is not a reality with your presence here-is in this book. Though, I suggest you read all of the entries." Mr. Peterson handed Jarrod the journal, then turned around and walked out of the room.

An almost eerie silence engulfed the room as the two brothers gazed at the book. Finally, Heath asked if Jarrod was going to read it or if he should. "After all, one of us needs to."

Jarrod gave him a half smile, and then opened the book to the first page that was marked.

 _It's been three years since I've seen family…three long years. The War ended last year. I thought I'd go to the Cartwrights, pick up my wife and child, and then travel back to Stockton. I thought, after I got my wife's letter telling me of our son's birth, that we could go back to Stockton….figured showing the family the baby…. Doesn't matter what I thought, our son was dead and gone by the time I was discharged from the army. Melissa was hurting so badly, I just couldn't risk adding to that pain by asking her to face the possibility of any anger my family may very well still have towards us-no me-for the choice I made._

Jarrod turned the pages to the second tab and again began reading.

 _June 15, 1868_

 _Melissa and I have another son. We've been talking about Stockton and my family again. Surely, after all this time the gap between us could be healed. Maybe once I start feeling well, we can go._

 **September 2, 1868**

 _ **So much for going to California. I wasn't just a bit under the weather. Blasted Typhoid hit the area. I survived, but many did not…including our second son. Ben and his sons had to bury him-as I was still fighting for my life. On top of that, Melissa saw Julia last month. It's made a mess of my wife's thinking. I can't say I really blame her for it. Ben's going to write to a friend in Reno. Still, I might have tried one more time to talk to Melissa, but I went to town today and got the shock of my life. Reverend Stacy, his wife and another woman from Stockton were standing in front of the post office. They didn't see me-and I quickly stepped into the alley-just far enough in to keep from being discovered yet close enough to listen. Yeah, I know, eavesdropping isn't nice only what do you do when the only way out means being seen by people you're not sure you want to talk to? Anyway, their words turned my world upside down worse than I ever thought possible.**_

" _ **Don't tell me I'm wrong, Reverend." Nellie Jensen huffed. "Anyone in Stockton will tell you, if you talk to Tom by himself, you can talk about his middle son. However, the moment Victoria or Jarrod is around it's like everyone gets amnesia! Those two have flat out disowned that ornery son of hers!"**_

 _ **I can't tell you what hearing those words did to me. Melissa and I have not only lost our sons, but our families as well. I will never speak of what I heard. Melissa would only blame herself, and it's not her fault in any shape or form. I'm not worried about writing the words down here though – I have other journals that are kept out in the open. I keep this one hidden-maybe because I just need something I know no one but me can get to.**_

Jarrod sucked in his breath, as did Heath. "Oh my…" Jarrod, who was shocked beyond measure, steadied himself. "Nick's losses and grief are being compounded by the fact that he thinks Mother and I aren't claiming him!" He turned to Heath, deep regret in his eyes. "Father, Gene and Audra didn't talk about him when other people were around just because it hurt Mother so much. I-I always felt so guilty and helpless was all. It's the same reason we'd clam up and walk out if someone talked about him. We've never even come close to disowning him!" It was a good thing Mrs. Jensen wasn't in the room with them at that moment. If she had been, Jarrod would have had to remind himself he liked his freedom more than he wanted to strangle the woman.

" Do you want me to read the next marked page?" Heath-recovering from his own shock, offered slowly. He knew how extremely difficult reading Nick's words so far had been for Jarrod-especially with this latest revelation.

Jarrod would have thanked Heath and then turned him down, only he just knew the next passages were going to talk about his father, the railroad and the trouble they'd had. "Go ahead," He finally handed the open journal over to Heath and waited for his blonde haired brother to start reading.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

While Jarrod and Heath read out of the left behind journal, another scene was taking place *seven hundred fifty seven miles away. One which, ironically, included the topic of the railroad and the trouble that had come about due their incomprehensible greed.

The cool breeze blew across the lawn in front of the two bedroom home that stood at the base of the mountains behind Laramie, Wyoming; **t **he city was founded in the mid-1860s as a tent city near the Overland Stage Line route, the Union Pacific portion of the first transcontinental railroad, and just north of Fort Sanders army post. The rails reached Laramie on May 4, 1868 when construction crews worked through town.** However, none of that mattered to the man who most people in the area knew only as Jonathon. He sat in a handmade rocker and rocked his two year old daughter, who had curled up on his lap and nestled her head into the crook of his elbow. He heard a train whistle off in the distance and found himself sighing deeply.

"You okay?" Anna Myers-the plump German wife of his current boss asked as she and his boss, sixty-five year old Byron Myers, walked up. The couple had taken this particular employee under their wings from the moment he'd arrived – at first it was because their friend, Mr. Peterson had asked them too. After Nick had fallen ill-and said a few things in his fevered state of mind- Byron had sat down with his employee and had a long talk with him. Nick had opened up and told his employer some things.

"Yeah," Nick continued rocking as he heard another train whistle. "Just…that whistle for some reason sent me back in time-back to when I first learned of the railroad's repulsive plans."

Byron leaned against the outside of the home while his wife sat in the only other chair that sat outside. "May I ask a few question, questions concerning things that I've been wondering for some time?" Byron looked at Nick while smiling at the sleeping child on her father's lap.

"Sure," Nick saw no reason to deny the request.

"Why did you put your life on the line, why were you willing to put it on the line a second time when you hightailed it to your home state, for a family you say disowned you? Above all things, why did you go to a funeral when you had no intention of talking to any of them?" Not that he didn't admire Nick for it, he did. It simply amazed him was all.

"I never said Father disowned me. Remember, Mrs. Nelson said it was Mother and my older brother who had done that…and the reverend didn't challenge her on the statement." Nick had stood in the alley waiting to hear the reverend put the woman in her place only he hadn't said a word-one way or the other. "I put my life on the line for my Father…the railroad wasn't after the rest of the family."

"I know only I keep getting the feeling you were doing it for them as well as your father. And, if your father didn't disown you, why did you never contact him?" Bryon replied. That part-that Nick had not contacted even his own father -boggled the Laramie rancher.

"We both got that feeling and wondered about the lack of contact." Anna spoke up. "It made us curious."

Nick closed his eyes for a moment, holding his daughter just a bit closer. It was an action that tugged at the Myers' hearts, though they said nothing. For Nick's part, he felt the same ragged emotions he'd experienced time and time again roll through every fiber of his being. Finally, he opened his eyes and began speaking.

"I wanted to write to father before and after those letters I sent warning him about the railroad's plans-more than I can tell you. Only," he shrugged, "With him, mother and my older brother all living under the same roof, I couldn't see contacting him without making his life a living…" he looked at Mrs. Myers and changed the words he was inclined to say. "He was in a bad enough spot as it was; I didn't want to make it worse for him. When it comes to the others, my sister and baby brother were so young. I doubt they remember much about me. Mother and my older brother," He again shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. A part of me wants to see them again, see if the wall can be broken down. The other part," he gazed off into the distance-even though, without turning his head to view the mountains, there was nothing but flat land in front of him. "I don't know. I just have a lot of mixed up emotions. Every time I think I'm getting it straight in my head, something happens and…" he paused, "my heart starts hurting too much to think. Don't know if that makes any sense, or maybe you'll condemn me for it." Nick, who had stopped the chair, started rocking again-his daughter had started squirming, and he hoped she'd sleep a little while longer.

"We'd never condemn you." Anna was quick to reassure him, as did her husband. "And you're making perfectly good sense. You've had a lot of grief and pain to bear, both during the war and after. That's one reason we didn't hesitate to hire you on when Mr. Peterson wrote to us and said you needed a change of scenery after the loss of your wife and fourth child." She hesitated and looked at husband, as if she wanted him to take over. Nick caught it and stopped rocking, hoping his young daughter would stay asleep.

"What is it? Do you need to let me go and are afraid to do it?" Nick couldn't think of any other reason for the look of concern in his friends' eyes.

"No," Byron shook his head and stepped away from the outside wall. "We…we just wondered if you'd consider allowing me to put your name on the title to this land. As you know, we have no sons to give it to when I pass away. Yes," he laid his hand on his wife's shoulder. "I do have a couple of fine, upstanding nephews I could leave the land to. Still, we'd like you to consider it."  
Nick was flattered and would have taken the man up on the offer in a heartbeat only the talk about his late father and his family had his emotions and thinking all jumbled up again. As his daughter woke up, wrapped her arms around his and smiled up at him, he began rocking again. "I'll think about it. Please, if you don't mind. Just let me rock Melissa Ann for now. Awake or asleep, she's used to me doing this in the evening. Aren't you, child?" He smiled down at his daughter. "You don't want me to stop, do you?"

"Rock, daddy, please." Melissa, who might not have a very large vocabulary, still had enough to let the Myers know Nick was right.

"We'll see you in the morning." The couple was almost to their own house before Anna asked her husband if he thought their friend would take them up on their request.

"If a better offer doesn't pop up, I hope so. For the sake of that child, he needs a stable home. For that matter, he needs it as well. I think it would help go a long ways in his really healing."

"What would heal him completely is his family." Anna looked back the way they had come. "Do you realize that with all he's told us, he's never given us his real last name. For that matter, he's never given us the names of his parents and siblings? Only that his father was fighting the injustices being caused by the railroad? Wish I had his real last name. I'd write to his mother and older brother and give them a piece of my mind!"

"Tsk tsk Mother, that would not help the situation." Byron smiled as he 'chastised' his wife. "All we can do is pray for a miracle. Those two," he gestured back at Nick and Melissa Anna, "need one." Nothing more was said as they disappeared into their own home…having no idea Jarrod and Heath had finished reading the journal and then proceeded to get Mr. Peterson to tell them where Nick and his young daughter were living.

 **Bolded words =Exact quote from a site on the internet. I would include the link only this site doesn't allow it.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

A/N If people are talking to Nick, they will say Jonathon. Other than that, I'm sticking with Nick.

'Hello, Jonathon!' rang through the streets of Laramie more than once as Nick drove the Myer's wagon down through town and towards the hardware store. Byron had a few boxes waiting to be picked up. He greeted the people who addressed him back only, for the most part, his mind was elsewhere. He couldn't shake the feeling that something major was coming, and that was something Nick didn't care for. Too many times in the past it had been tragedy, and he didn't like that. Nick stopped alongside the hardware store and pulled on the wagon's brakes.

"Wondered if you'd be in today," Mr. Garrett stepped out onto the store's boardwalk and smiled at Nick. Myers' help was a tad bit stubborn and hot tempered in his eyes. Still, Mr. Garrett liked the gentleman. "Surprised you don't have your shadow," he chuckled as he looked around to make sure Melissa Ann wasn't going to pop out from behind her father's back.

"Miss Anna's three nieces, along with their husbands, are visiting." Nick replied as he climbed down.

Mr. Garrett chuckled. Mrs. Myer's nieces had a dozen children among them. If there were that many 'youngin's'-as he called children-at the Myers' ranch, he could understand why Melissa Ann wasn't with her father. "That explains the little miss's absence."

'Might explain my unease as well' Nick thought, realizing that ever since his daughter had started walking he'd brought her into town with him. 'Guess Miss Anna is right, I am holding onto Melissa Ann a lot tighter than I thought' Nick sighed as he followed Mr. Garrett into the storeroom and began helping transport Mr. Myers' order out to the wagon.

"Is that everything?" Mr. Garrett stepped away from the wagon and looked at Nick. "You need anything else?"

Nick chuckled. He had to hand it to the storekeeper, man was always trying to sell a customer more than they really needed. "No, I have everything. See you next week," he climbed back up into the wagon and started down the road. As he drove, his mind wandered to thoughts of his daughter…and then to the last conversation he'd had with his wife before she crossed over.

" _I don't regret a minute of our time together, I just hope you don't. I cost you everything you could have had." Melissa looked up from her deathbed, wishing she could wipe away the tears rolling off her husband's cheeks and wash away the pain she saw in his eyes._

" _No, don't blame yourself for a choice someone else made." Nick did his best to smile, even as his heart was breaking._

" _Wish I could have given you a son that lived." Melissa's voice was growing soft._

 _Nick wasn't about to tell her a part of him wished the same thing. In his eyes, that would only be cruel. "Don't worry, our daughter will survive. I know she will, and a daughter is fine with me."_

" _The wall between you and your fami…" Melissa started whispering only to go silent._

Nick forced his thoughts off the past. Like he'd told the Myers, his feelings were all mixed up when it came to his family. After his wife's death, he had once again thought about 'that issue'. However, one moment he'd been thinking about it, and the next it was like he was having some sort of attack. The 'attack'-as he called it – made it so couldn't breathe properly. He hadn't understood it, still didn't. All he knew for sure was that it had scared the living daylights out of him-as he'd been sure he was having a heart attack and that Melissa Ann was going to be an orphan. After the episode had passed-along with a few months and a move to Reno, he'd allowed himself to think about contacting his family once again – only to have the same thing happen. In fact, the 'attacks' had happened quite a number of times. However, the last time Mr. Myers and the family doctor had been in the house.

" _It's not a heart attack. I'd say it was a *panic attack." Dr. Jacobs, who had come running into the Myers' kitchen when Anna Myers began yelling for help, had said after examining his_ _patient. "Have you had these episodes before?"_

 _Nick slowly admitted he had had 'a few', not caring how many episodes he'd really had. When asked what he was doing-or thinking- before the episode, Nick had looked at Mr. Myers with a look that pleaded for him to help him out. Instantly, the gentleman took over. "He and his family are estranged, been thinking to contact them." He said the words like a statement only his eyes sending question marks toward Nick, who simply nodded._

" _I wouldn't do that until one of us figure out how_ _to stop these episodes." Dr. Jacobs shut his black bag and apologized. "I don't like recommending families stay apart only – if just thinking about reconciling with them is what is causing these episodes - I'd say the stress you're putting yourself though could bring about a real heart attack. You're much too young for one of those. Hold off planning anything for a while; let's see what happens."_

Nick shook the melancholy feeling that had begun settling over him off and turned his thoughts to his daughter and the Myers. His daughter needed a stable home. With his father gone, his mother and Jarrod disowning him, a half-brother he'd only learned about upon arriving at the funeral which meant there were absolutely no emotional ties there, and his younger siblings probably remembering very little about him, Nick began seriously thinking about the Myers and their offer. Only the sound of a train whistle invaded his thoughts as he drove down the road…even then it was only for a small moment. There wasn't any reason he knew of to dwell on any particular train. However, that whistle wasn't just any train whistle. It belonged to the train that Jarrod and Heath had boarded in Reno. The two brothers would soon arrive in Laramie. Had Nick known that, he'd have pushed the team of horses to get to the ranch and to his daughter, and then discussed where to stay until Jarrod and Heath left. As it was, Nick allowed the horses to walk slowly down the road that led to the Myers ranch while a gentle breeze blew across his face.

*My research says panic attacks were called by that name and 'Anxiety Disorder' back in the 1800's.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

 **A/N When it comes to Laramie, Wyoming…I'm using writer's liberty when it comes to size and scenery in 1876.**

Jarrod and Heath, who had checked into a small boarding house on the south end of town, were walking down the boardwalk towards the livery stable; Jarrod had paid a young man to take Jingo and Charger there while he and Heath secured a place to stay.

"I wonder how far out of town Myers' ranch is." Jarrod said as he and Heath passed the doctor's office – the sign on the door said "Dr. Ethan Jacob" on it. "More importantly, I hope Nick will see us, or should I say see me…guess I should say Jonathon."

Before Heath could reply, they heard a door open and heard a gentleman's voice calling out to them. "Sirs, if you're talking about Jonathon Baker, may I talk to you first?"

Jarrod and Heath turned around, confused as to how a man behind a closed door had heard them. However, their confusion fled once they noticed the window next to the door was slightly opened. "Do you know our brother?" Jarrod asked as he and Heath closed the distance between them and the dark haired, brown eyed gentleman who had called out to them. "Are you Dr. Jacobs?"

"Yes, I am." Dr. Jacobs stepped back inside his office and motioned for Jarrod and Heath to follow him. Soon the three were sitting in the good doctor's office – Dr. Jacobs' behind his brown oak desk, and his guests on two light brown chairs that set against the office's east wall.

"What do you want?" Heath, like Jarrod, was concerned simply because doctors usually didn't talk to people about a patient…and that's what they assumed Nick was to Dr. Jacobs.

"If I may be so bold to ask, why did you call Jonathon Baker by the name of Nick, and what do you want with him? That is, I assume with the reference to the Myers' ranch, you were referring to him."

"We were." Jarrod admitted slowly. "And, before I answer your question, may I ask what's going on that you would feel the need to pull us aside and talk to us?"

D r. Jacobs shook his head. "I am sorry, sir, only you need to answer my question before I will tell you anything. Blame it on the fact that I actually care about the people I serve…not just their wallets." He only said that because of a few doctors he had met that were only in the medical field for that very reason. It made him sick to his stomach.

"My name is Jarrod Barkley; Nick, or Jonathon as most people have been calling him for a number of years, is my brother." Jarrod went on to tell the doctor the same thing he'd told Ben Cartwright and Mr. Peterson, along with what Ben had advised them-something Mr. Peterson had, basically, repeated before they'd boarded the train. "We just want to make peace with him, not force him back." As much as he wanted his brother and niece on the family's ranch, Jarrod realized even a visit would be out of reach if anyone in the family pressed the issue.

Dr. Jacobs leaned back and tapped his thumb with his pencil. After a moment, he told them about the panic attacks he'd witnessed and how Nick had admitted to having another one. How was he supposed to tell them about episodes he knew nothing about? "You can thank me for your brother not contacting you. That is, not contacting you since that attack." He went on to explain what he'd advised and why. The good man wasn't the least bit surprised by the anger, mixed with pain and concern, that appeared in Jarrod's eyes….nor was he surprised by the same look in Heath's eyes.

"We've got to talk to him!" Jarrod stressed his words, but did not yell. Why should he when it was crystal clear that the good doctor only had Nick's best interest at heart.

"What about me?" Heath looked from the doctor to Jarrod and then back to the doctor.

"What about you?" Not knowing Heath's story, Dr. Jacobs couldn't see what difference it would make.

"Nick-or Jonathon- has no emotional ties to me. I only joined the family eight years ago." Heath then bluntly told the doctor he was the product of an affair. "If he's seen me at all, it would only have been at the funeral."

Dr. Jacobs scratched the side of his cheek, as if he was thinking about it. As he did so Jarrod, desperate to get any communication to his estranged brother open, quickly sided with Heath. "If you'll agree to it, doc, I have an idea."

While Jarrod explained what he was thinking, Nick was playing with Melissa Ann in the Myers' living room. He'd finished his work for the day and was enjoying relaxing with his daughter.

"It's so good to hear you laugh, Jonathon." Miss Anna smiled as she brought some homemade cookies into the living room. Since the panic attack that had hit her 'son', she had noticed he had stopped laughing. Sure, he'd still give her a smile, but the laughter had seemed to vanish.

"Sorry, I didn't realized I'd stopped doing that around you." Nick, who had laughed with Melissa Ann, had never stopped to realized that he only laughed in the privacy of the two bedroom home he shared with his young daughter or with one, very close, friend.

"You're still thinking about them, aren't you? In spite of what the doctor told you." Anna asked the question with no condemnation in her voice, just plain concern could be heard.

"Man only said to stop thinking about trying to reconcile with them, never said not remember them." Nick answered as Melissa Ann climbed up on his lap; he'd sat down on the sofa when Mrs. Myers had entered the room.

Anna, who had hoped Nick would tell her husband to go ahead and put Nick's name on the ranch papers, inwardly sighed. As nice as the thought of Nick owning their ranch was, she couldn't help from wanting things to be different for Nick and his daughter. After all, close friends were nice-family was extremely important. However, before she could reply, a knock came at the door.

A/N Sorry NOL1...I did not realize just how many chapters left the reader with a cliffhanger until your review. I just don't know what to do about them...they keep showing up.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

 _ **Previously:**_

 _Anna, who had hoped Nick would tell her husband to go ahead and put Nick's name on the ranch papers, inwardly sighed. As nice as the thought of Nick owning their ranch was, she couldn't help want things to be different. After all, while close friends were nice-family was extremely important. However, before she could reply, a knock came at the door._

The wind that had been blowing rather gently was now rattling the leaves in the trees, though it wasn't so bad. Nick sat on the top of a small hill behind the Myers' home watching amazed as his daughter sat next to the blonde haired cowboy Dr. Jacobs had brought out to the ranch. Melissa Ann never went near strangers and yet she had practically climbed up Heath's leg in order to get him to pick her up when Anna Myers had opened the door. Nick couldn't help but chuckle just a little as he recalled those first few minutes.

 _"This is Heath Thomson. He wants…." Dr. Jacobs said as he and Heath entered the Myers' home. However, before he had time to finish, Melissa Ann -a normally, very extremely, shy child, let go of her father and ran the best she could towards Heath._

 _"What…" Nick started to speak only to have his jaw hit the floor as his two year old daughter tried to literally climb up Heath's leg._

 _Heath couldn't help but beam and bent over to pick the child up. "She's a cute one." Heath did his best to continue to smile-even if he definitely felt uncomfortable._

 _"Takes after her late mother," Nick, who had stiffened ever so slightly, replied. The fact that he was still hurting over the losses he'd suffered could be seen plainly in his pain filled eyes._

 _"My condolences," Heath wanted to convey Jarrod's condolences as well, but first he had a wall to climb._

 _"What did you want, Mr. Thomson?" Mrs. Myers broke the uneasy silence that had started to envelope the room._

 _"I was hoping to talk to you." Heath looked at Nick while answering her. "That is, with the doctor nearby." He knew his words would raise everyone's curiosity, but he'd already agreed that Dr. Jacobs could be close enough to keep an eye on his half-brother._

 _"What…" Mrs. Myers started to speak only to have Jonathon raised his hand and stop her. Truth was, he already knew who their visitor was._

 _"We can go outside." Nick took his daughter from Heath and started to hand her to Mrs. Myers only to have the normal 'quiet as a mouse' child scream and lunge for Heath, who had to move awfully fast to catch her._

 _"She's coming with us." Nick told Mrs. Myers when the woman started towards Heath, as if to take the child from him._

"What do you want?" Nick asked Heath as Melissa Ann left the blonde haired gentleman and climbed onto her father, laying her head on his shoulder as she did so.

"My name is Heath Thomson. However," Heath took a deep breath, praying for the best. "Thomas Barkley was my father." He wasn't surprised by the anger that flashed through Nick's eyes. However, he was surprised when his half-brother managed to control himself. He figured it was due to Melissa Ann's presence. However, the truth was Nick had already thrown what his late wife called 'a childish temper tantrum' when he'd arrived home after attending the funeral. The ensuing years had given him time to adjust to the fact that his father had broken his vows.

"I know. You were at Father's funeral." The anger in Nick's eyes was once again replaced by pain. "How did you find me? Why are you here?" Nick shot one question after another out, and then added, "Shouldn't you be on the ranch? It's obvious Father acknowledged you as his, and the family took you in. I mean, you'd never have been at the funeral if that wasn't the case."

Heath didn't answer at first, praying he wouldn't upset Nick too much when he told him everything. "Stockton had a visitor while back, hired to sing at the gentleman's club." He slowly told most of the story, ending with the fact that it was Mr. Peterson who had told them where Nick was currently working and living – though he left out the fact that he and Jarrod had read Nick's journal. That was something he and Jarrod had agree to leave to Mr. Peterson to confess. By the time Heath was through speaking he wasn't surprised to see Nick rise to his feet, nor was he shocked when his half-brother called out to the doctor-asking him to take Melissa Ann back to the house. Once the doctor had taken the child and left, but not before swearing up and down he was going to come back, Nick turned to face Heath.

"Julia had no business telling you anything." Nick, who trusted Julia as far as he could throw her, wondered what the woman was up to by giving Heath the lead she had. It wouldn't have mattered if someone had told him how much Julia had changed; he wouldn't have believed it.

"Maybe not, but she did." Heath slid his hands into his pockets, hooking his thumbs onto the top of them as he did so. "Truth is, the family's been looking for you for years. They really want this rift between you and them mended."

"For years?" Nick looked at him in disbelief. "That's not true! Oh, maybe Father did, but Mother and Jarrod aren't even claiming me!"

Heath shook his head. "They've never denied you. Sure, no one outside the family could talk to them about you, but only because it caused them so much pain." Heath stressed the last part of the sentence. "They blame themselves for what happened. Guilt is a cruel companion, and anything anyone might have said would only have made it worse."

Nick was stunned. His mind flashed back to Virginia City and the hurtful words Nellie Jensen had spoken, and the Reverend's failure to contradict the gossipy woman. He'd never thought of other reasons his mother and brother had refused to talk about him to others. "They send you?" Nick turned away, his feelings twisting and turning inside him.

After a moment, Heath answered, "Mother asked me to accompany Jarrod when he decided to follow up on Julia's lead."

Nick flipped around, his heart started pounding. "Jarrod's in Laramie?"

"Yes, he wants to see you, but Dr. Jacobs was afraid if our dear brother simply showed up on the doorstep, it would push you into some sort of attack-if there wasn't a flat out explosion first." Heath replied, and then watched as Nick turned around and walked over to a nearby tree.

Heath said nothing as he eventually made his way over to another tree, one that was a few feet away from Nick. His half-brother didn't look all that good. It concerned him, and he might have said something only Dr. Jacobs was already closing the gap between them.

"I won't stay on the Myers' ranch." Heath, who figured the doctor was going to ask him to leave, looked at Nick. "But, please, think about stopping by our room. Jarrod really wants to talk to you." Heath then told Nick exactly where he and Jarrod were staying. He walked away just as Dr. Jacobs reached Nick.

As Heath left, he heard Nick tell the good doctor that he was fine, and to just leave him alone. 'It's up to him now.' Heath thought as he reached Charger, mounted him, and then headed down the road that led to Laramie.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Anna and Byron sat on the porch watching Nick, who was sitting on the edge of the porch allowing his young daughter to sit on his foot and hold onto his leg. He was moving his leg up and down, thus giving Melissa Ann-who was laughing and giggling-a ride on "her horse". Only the child's laughter could be heard as the doctor and his buggy disappeared out of view. Not having been told what had been said during his visit with Nick, the couple didn't know what to think of the subdued mood their "son" was now in. However, neither one had a chance to say a word as Nick turned and surprised them by saying he was going into town and asking them if they minded watching Melissa Ann. "I don't know how long I'll be. I don't want to risk actually being past dark and her not having a bed to sleep in."

Byron and Anna looked at each other. Nick had seldom gone to town without his daughter, and trips away from the ranch at night? That happened even less. Still, they weren't about to argue about keeping the child with them. If Nick was late getting back, the child would indeed need to stay behind. "Of course, Jonathon. We'll be happy to take care of her." Anna replied as Nick stood up and, after making sure his daughter had something to keep her occupied, went into the back room and grabbed his jacket. Soon he was riding towards Laramie -with his mind on the past.

 _Nick threw his saddle on his horse, mounted and then reached down to take a hold of Melissa's hand. Soon she was sitting behind him with her arms wrapped around his waist. He wasted no time in riding away from the only home he'd ever known._

 _After they'd ridden a few miles down the dusty road with the wind blowing just hard enough to play with her hair, Melissa sighed and spoke with no emotion in her voice. "Wonder how long I'll have to sit in that jail before this mess can be straightened out."_

 _Fury raged through every inch of Nick, and his heart broke for the young woman he'd fallen in love with. "You're not stepping a foot in the sheriff's cell. You don't belong there, and Washington knows it by now."_

 _"Where else can I go? Your family is against our engagement, and I have nowhere else to go. I'm sure your family will make sure everyone in Stockton knows I'm a spy…even if I'm not." Melissa tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. It made no difference; Nick still heard it._

 _"The Ponderosa," Nick stopped his horse, turned just enough to look at Melissa. "Marry me as planned and let me take you to the Ponderosa. From everything I've heard about the rancher, Ben Cartwright, he'll take us in."_

 _"Still marry you?" Melissa's eyes widened-even as her heart wanted to jump; however, she feared for Nick and the consequences he would face. "What about your family? Surely, they'll stop speaking to you. You'll suffer because of me."_

 _"No," Nick helped her off the horse and then dismounted himself. "Anything I go through will not be because of you. It will be because my family wouldn't listen or what life in general throws at the two of us. I dare say we'll face both heaven and hell, but none of it will ever be your fault. Please, say you'll still marry me."_

 _Melissa threw her arms around his neck and smiled through her tears. "I love you, Nick Barkley, I don't want to say no. It's just...your family…"_

 _"My family," Nick pulled Melissa close with one hand while pressing his fingers of his other hand gently against her lips. "More especially Jarrod and my mother, they've put me in a position where I have to choose. So help me, there's no way I'm taking you to Sheriff Madden's and I am not going back to the ranch without you. Say you'll still marry me, and we'll go get married right now and leave Stockton right afterwards."_

 _Melissa hesitated only a moment and then nodded. "If you're sure, I just hope you don't come to regret it."_

 _"I won't. You're worth it." Nick pulled her closer and lowered his head._

By the time Nick's memory faded, he could see Laramie. He felt a few tears escape and quickly wiped them away. For all he and Melissa had been through, for all he'd lost, he couldn't say he regretted his decision. He and his wife had been extremely in love with each other until the end, and there was their daughter. Melissa Ann was his pride and joy, the one blessing he prayed he'd be allowed to keep.

As he pushed his horse towards the town he could now see, Heath's words sounded in his ears once more. _"_ _Guilt is a cruel companion, and anything anyone might have said would only have made it worse."_

Guilt…he'd seen enough to know what guilt could do to a person. He couldn't help but wonder why he'd never thought of that possibility. Then again, maybe he didn't have to wonder about it. After all, in between burying James and Julia's unexpected arrival in Virginia City, he was hurting too badly to think of the various scenarios that would prevent his family from mentioning him.

His mind then turned to Jarrod and the fact that he was in Laramie. The fact that Jarrod had spent time traveling to Ben's, then to the Peterson's and was now in Wyoming was also throwing him off. Since he'd been so thoroughly convinced Jarrod and their mother had disowned him, Nick had never thought anyone in the family would track him down.

Reverend John Allen, a short robust man with dark black hair, poked his head out of the open window on the east side of the church building. The building sat on the outskirt of town. "Hello, Jonathon! What brings you to town this time of day?"

Nick turned his horse to his right; soon he and the animal were next to the meeting house. "I have some unexpected visitors only," he took a deep breath as he felt what was becoming an all too familiar flutter in his chest. "I really need to talk to you before I see them."

Concerned, the reverend nodded towards the front door of the church. "Come on in, door's unlocked."

"Thanks," Nick dismounted, led his horse to a nearby posted and tethered him to it, and then headed for the steps that led up to the church's door. It wasn't long before he was having one, very serious, visit with the clergyman.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Heath sat in the living of the boarding house, next to a small brownish, round table. The piece of furniture was next to a standard sized window with four sections of white curtains hanging from a gold colored rod. The backyard of the boardinghouse could be seen through the glass. Jarrod sat on the other side of the table staring at the checkers that sat on the checker board; the game was one of a few provided by the establishment.

"The pieces won't move by themselves, and we just need to be patient. Nick will either come to see you or send someone for you." Heath did his best to convince Jarrod as well as himself. Truth was, he was simply praying and hoping like mad Nick would do just that.

Jarrod turned his eyes away from the game pieces and allowed them to gaze over the living room. Funny, the room might be smaller than the Barkley's, but the majority of the furniture was in the same place…only the table by the window and the back yard that could be seen were out of place-as it were. "If he doesn't, I'll have to find another mediator-no insult to you," Jarrod turned his attention to Heath, "only it could be Nick needs someone he knows and trusts to talk to him. Maybe someone else could get him to do what Ben said; that is, get him to meet me in the middle as it were." He finally moved his piece only to have Heath win by jumping three of his men in one turn.

"I think playing checkers is useless right now." Heath leaned back in his chair and gave his brother a sympathetic look. "You're a better checker player than that. Though, I can't say I blame you for the lack of concentration." He went on to say he would talk to Nick again if it came back to it. Jarrod might have replied, but the front door opened. Two dark haired men, standing roughly five feet nine inches and dressed like ranch hands, stepped in. Heath and Jarrod might not have thought anything about it only the two strangers looked around and then-eyeing the Barkley brothers, walked over to them.

"My names Adam Wren." The older looking man who was sporting a thick, bushy beard, gestured to his clean shaven companion. "This here is Jed Hill; my cousin. We heard you're claiming to be kin to Jonathon."

Heath and Jarrod stiffened, wondering if Nick had sent these men to deal with them. However, that thought was thrown out when Mr. Wren began talking again. "No, Jonathon doesn't know we're here. Probably hear about it from him later when we tell him about the visit, which we will. Have to-that ornery cuss has a way of finding out anyway."

Jed, who had been looking extremely serious, busted up laughing. It earned him a confused look from Jarrod and Heath-and a hard glare from his friend.

"Don't say it!" Adam snapped and shook his finger at his friend. His words only served to make Jeb laugh harder. Finally, Adam threw up his hands and looked at Jarrod and Heath. "I tried hiding something from Jonathon once. In all honesty, it was something he should have been told. He found out about it, and we had a fight." He rubbed his chin and made the Barkleys grin, and had Jed grabbing his sides, when he muttered he'd never lost a fight before, and that he'd been better off fighting city hall.

If Heath and Jarrod hadn't seen the look of high admiration in the man's eyes when he said 'ornery cuss' or heard his muttered words, they might have thought the man was insulting Nick. As it was, they felt an immense feeling of respect for their estranged brother coming from the men-as the other man's eyes reflected Mr. Wren's words. Once Jed got control of himself, Jarrod asked the men what they wanted. "We've made no trouble, nor do we want any."

"But you want to see Jonathon, and he's been hurt enough. If you're wondering how much he's told us, the answer is not much. However, none of us here in Laramie are blind." Adam glared at Jarrod and Heath. "Whenever anyone has dared to say such words as mother or brother, the pain in Jonathon's eyes increases. Like I said," He crossed his arms. "We may not know what you did, but it obviously caused him a great deal of heartache, and we don't want him hurt anymore."

Jarrod and Heath didn't say anything at first. They'd seen loyalty a person had for another, but to the level of coming forward without being asked to…that was something that didn't happen very often. Jarrod stood up slowly and let out a slow breath. "We're not here to cause him trouble or hurt him. All we want to do is talk to him. If he doesn't want to do that, if he wants us to leave, all he has to do is say so. We won't fight him." Not that he wanted to only, after all he'd learned about Nick's life since his brother left the ranch-and after seeing the fierce loyalty Nick's friends had for him, Jarrod didn't know what else he could do. He just hoped it wouldn't come down to that.

Adam and Jed looked at each other. They didn't know these men, but the one speaking seemed to be sincere-and the silent blonde wasn't sending any harsh, unspoken message with his eyes. "We don't kn…" He started to answer Jarrod only to have the door to the boarding house open once more. Adam and Jed turned around while Jarrod and Heath's eyes went to the door. Not a sound could be heard as a six foot, brown haired, hazel eyed ranch hand dressed all in black and wearing spurs entered the room. The years had put a tiny bit of weight on the gentleman, and a few extra lines stretched from the corner of his eyes outwards…as if they were deciding whether or not to continue their journey. Still, Jarrod instantly recognized Nick. He automatically took a step forward only to have Adam begin to block his way.

"Thanks for caring, but leave them alone, Adam." Nick had seen his two friends enter the building and guessed what they were up to. "Go back to the ranch or back to what you were doing before. I'll handle this on my own."

Adam and Jed hesitated and then looked at Jarrod and Heath as if to say 'you hurt him, and we'll be back'. The two men then turned and, walking past Nick, exited the building


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

 _ **Previously:**_

" _Thanks for caring, but leave them alone, Adam." Nick had seen his two friends enter the building and guessed what they were up to. "Go back to the ranch or back to what you were doing before. I'll handle this one on my own."_

 _Adam and Jed hesitated and then looked at Jarrod and Heath as if to say 'you hurt him, and we'll be back'. The two men then turned and, walking past Nick, exited the building._

Jarrod and Heath said nothing as Nick walked over to the hutch, the sound of his spurs hitting the floor ringing through the establishment. Neither Jarrod nor Heath knew what to think when their hostess called out 'Hello, Jonathon' through a slightly opened door on the far side of the room. The door led to the kitchen. They were more astonished when he pulled out a key and inserted it into a key hole in one of the bottom drawers. "There's whiskey, whiskey and," Nick turned his head slightly, "whiskey. Hope you two like whiskey-even if those fancy clothes of yours might imply other tastes." Nick looked at Jarrod, as if to ask his older brother if he-Nick-was wrong.

"Whiskey is fine." Jarrod did his best to hide how nervous he felt inside-and how surprised that Nick was apparently so well-known by the boarding house staff that they could tell who had entered the building simply by the sound of his spurs-and that he had access to the boarding house's drinks. It only reinforced the fact that his brother had-in spite of being involved in brawls now and then-one very sound reputation. Nothing more was said as Nick pulled out a whiskey decanter and retrieved three small shot glasses.

While Nick was retrieving the items, Jarrod was thinking about the past. As he did so, it hit him like a ton of bricks that Nick had never dressed in black before the war, not even his pants had been that color. In fact, Nick had fought wearing anything even remotely close to black. Again Jarrod's stomach twisted in knots. The pure black his brother now wore reminded him of just much Nick had suffered. Maybe that was the reason for the change, maybe it wasn't…Jarrod just knew he wasn't going to ask unless Nick brought up the subject.

"You'll have to move that checker board unless you want the whiskey on your lap." Nick looked at Heath as he held the drink out. Heath gave Nick a small crooked smile and quickly put away the checkers and folded the board…and then handed it to a black haired woman who appeared to be in her early twenties who had entered the room, introduced herself as Christine Avenwood, and then held out her hands for the game. The fact that she wore a full length white apron over her gingham made Heath and Jarrod think she must be the boardinghouse's kitchen help.

"If you want to be guaranteed your privacy, John," the woman smiled at Nick, "I can get the back room ready in a matter of minutes."

For the first time since Nick entered the building a fleeting smile appeared on his face, though the somber look was quickly back in place. "Thanks, Sissy. Don't know we'll need it-as I'm sure Adam and Jed are scaring anyone away for the time being; still, it might not hurt."

"No problem," The woman smiled again and exited the room.

John? Sissy? Heath and Jarrod exchanged quick glances. The woman had introduced herself as Christine, and they'd never heard the nickname of John associated with Nick. Those facts, along with the fleeting smile, made the two brothers wonder if there was more than a simple friendship going on between the two. However, they said nothing – knowing full well that it was irrelevant at the moment.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as Nick sat with his legs crossed, his wrists resting on his knee while he held his drink in his hand; Jarrod and Heath had remained in their chairs. Finally, Jarrod sighed. Someone needed to start the conversation and, since it was his and their mother's words and actions that had driven Nick away, he figured he might as well take on the task. "How are you doing?"

Nick, whose eyes were showing his own internal struggle, lifted up his glass, drank down the small amount of liquid and shrugged his shoulders. "If you took the time to track me down the way he," Nick gestured towards Heath, "says you did, guess all I have to do is tell you how I'm doing here in Laramie."

Jarrod wanted to scream that he wanted to know more than basics-as, from the talk with Dr. Jacobs, the visit from Nick's friends, and what little they'd seen after Nick had arrived told him Nick had once again established a life for himself. However, such actions would do no one any good. "I want to know you're okay, to say I'm sorry for speaking up too soon rather than waiting until I had more than circumstantial evidence; sorry for all you've been through; but, most of all, I want to beg your forgiveness for the past and to tell you to know I never stopped claiming you as my brother."

Nick stood up abruptly and walked over to the cabinet, though he made no attempt to open any of the doors. He had to, as a tight feeling had begun swarming around in his chest. 'Not now, please, not now' he silently pleaded as he took deep breaths. Finally, after one very pain filled minute, the swarming stopped and he turned around. He could see genuine concern in Heath's eyes- he had to admit it surprised him. After all, the blonde haired half-brother and he had never met before earlier today. However, the enormous amount of guilt that he saw in Jarrod's eyes had Heath's words about guilt ringing in his ears-along with the last piece of advice Reverend Allen had given him. That advice was, basically, a repeat of what Ben had told his brothers when it came to meeting in the middle, talking and truly listening.

"I think I best go see if Sissy has the back room ready for us." He turned and walked out of the room.

"This is more nerve wracking than I hoped it would be. I had also hoped we'd be able to see our niece." Jarrod let out a deep breath and looked at Heath.

Heath gave him a crooked smiled. "I believe we will, if we're just patient."

Jarrod nodded; he had no intention of being anything else.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Excerpt from Ch. Nineteen

" _I think I best go see if Sissy has the back room ready for us." He turned and walked out of the room._

The back room turned out to be what appeared to be a small office. There was a beautiful mahogany desk that sat in the southwest corner, only it was set in a diagonal direction with a chair similar to the one Jarrod had in his study behind it. There was a rather expensive brown sofa against the east wall and a built-in bookcase on the north wall; it ran from the east wall to within three feet of the door that led into the room. The west wall had a few pictures on it; they were evenly spaced . There was window in the middle of the south wall. Like the living room window, it had white curtains covering it. House plants stood in any corner that had enough space to put one in. As impressive as the small office was, it wasn't what had Jarrod and Heath's attention-they were sitting on the sofa while Nick had taken the chair behind the desk. Sissy had placed another chair next to Nick's chair and sat on it, at Nick's request. It made Nick's brother wonder even more about the relationship between the two.

Nick didn't have to read minds to know what his brothers were thinking, and he had no intention of letting 'those kind of thoughts' stick around. "Sissy saved my life and, over time, we've become as close as a man and woman can get _without_ crossing lines. As far as we're concerned, we're brother and sister." He was sitting very rigid, his eyes appeared to be daring them to question that fact. Actually, Jarrod and Heath could see he was looking more at Jarrod than at Heath.

"Saved your life?" Jarrod looked startled, as did Heath. Just how many times had their brother been ill or injured?

Knowing his brothers had, most likely, learned a lot-if not all- that happened to him while in Virginia City and Reno, he pretty much knew what they were thinking. He didn't know why but all of a sudden he found himself angry. "I wasn't ill or injured, not in the way you are thinking." He leaned forward, flames appearing in his eyes. "However, think about everything you know, everything you've learned…and don't tell me you haven't learned more than you ever thought you would!" He paused until both men acknowledged Nick was right. "When I got here with my daughter I was barely hanging onto my sanity!" He leaned back in his chair and, keeping his fiery eyes on Jarrod, shocked his brothers by telling them that he had-a few weeks after arriving at the Myers' ranch, sat down, made up a legal will and then gone to a nearby river. "I had no intention of coming back here or going anywhere else. That is, going anywhere but to a watery grave!"

"Nick, I'm sor…" Jarrod started to speak only to have Nick wave his hand through the air and bark, "You've said you're sorry already and, since you've spent weeks tracking me down and aren't jumping down my throat, I'm striving to give you the benefit of the doubt. Still, you asked how I've been doing and you questioned the fact that Sissy saved my life! You've learned everything else, you might as well learn the rest!"

Jarrod hadn't meant to make it sound as if he was questioning facts. He apologized, explaining he didn't doubt Nick-he was simply stunned. "I'm so glad you're still here." He turned his focus to Christine. "Thank you for stopping him."

"I didn't stop him." Christine looked at Nick and back at his brothers. "I didn't know what he had planned. I was there when he arrived, and we started talking. It turned out we had a lot in common; we talked for hours." She smiled and, after quickly glancing at Nick, looked back at his brothers. "He should have said we saved each other." She wasn't surprised when Heath and Jarrod felt shock waves roll through them at what she was implying.

"When you think you have no family-doesn't matter why-and life keeps taking what you care about away from you," Nick's eyes remained full of fire, though it wasn't quite as hot as it had been at first. "It's easy to forget you weren't the only one affected by the war, or by relatives deciding not to listen to you. I hated Mother and you for a long time, until Melissa knocked some sense into me. Well, enough to get me to consider contacting you a few times." He quit speaking as he felt his chest tightening up. Sissy, who had actually been present when he'd had a few of his panic attacks, recognized the signs and acted quickly-even though it meant insisting that Jarrod and Heath go back into the living room until she came for them. Not knowing the doctor had already told Nick's brothers about his episodes, she told them she'd explain later as she shut the door.

Jarrod didn't like it. Nick had to be having one of the panic attacks Dr. Jacobs had been talking about. He wanted go right back in and demand to be the one to help his brother. However, he could hear Ben telling him that Ben thought Nick would talk if he didn't feel like Jarrod or Heath were attacking him. So far Ben had been right, Nick was talking. However, if Jarrod barged into the room he was sure Nick would take it as an attack – or betrayal on Dr. Jacob's part- and shut down, maybe even fire the good man. "Guess we best go make ourselves at home until she or Nick come for us." Jarrod turned away from the office door and started walking down the hall, towards the living room.

While his brothers were making themselves at home, Christine had sat back down next to Nick-coaching him to take deep breaths. She was surprised, but elated, when the episode was over in matter of only a couple of minutes. However, she was still very much concerned. "You don't have to see them again, John. I can send them away." She laid her hand on the top of his. "I don't want to see you hurt again."

Nick put his free hand on top of hers and gave her a grateful smile. "I'm fine, thank you." He said as he let out another deep breath and shook his head. "They've both traveled a long ways, just hope I can finish this visit without another attack, blowing up or anything else happening." Somehow, he feared that would not be the case.

Christine had to chuckle. Her 'brother' did have a temper on him and was very impulsive. To be honest, she had been surprised he had only been talking loudly, not downright hollering while he was talking to his brothers…and said as much.

"To be honest, I forced myself to remain in control for Melissa's sake. She always wanted this kind of meeting to happen…without any 'temper tantrums' on my part." Nick couldn't help but chuckle-as he knew his late wife had a valid point when it came to his behavior when he was mad. "I also didn't want to subject you to any explosion. Please, go ask them to meet me at the Myers' ranch tomorrow afternoon. It's getting late, and I need to get back to Melissa Ann."

"Sure thing," she stood up and headed for the door only to have Nick stop her.

"Please, come out to the ranch as well, Sissy." When Sissy turned back and gave him a look that said, 'Goodness, you're a grown man-you don't need me holding your hand', Nick laughed and assured her he didn't want her out for such a thing. "It's like I told them, in my eyes you're my sister…and I want my sister to be there. It's not like the Myers will be surprised to see you with them."

Christine smiled, still amazed Nick had 'adopted' her the way he had and agreed to do as he asked.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

A gentle breeze was blowing through the air as Jarrod and Heath rode up to the Myers' ranch…Christine had left for the ranch an hour before them. They could see the black haired beauty Nick called Sissy playing with a child in a nearby field full of flowers while Nick was sitting on the ground with his back towards them. While they were not close enough to distract the child and her 'aunt' from their play, the two brothers could still see Melissa Ann very clearly. "She's the spitting image of her mother." Jarrod practically whispered. He could say that because he remembered a picture of Melissa and Julia as children, one that had been sat on Julia's dressing room table when he visited Julie at the theatre she was working at.

"That's what he says." Jarrod and Heath whipped their head sideways to see Anna Myers standing outside the door; her eyes were polite enough to Heath, still they were throwing darts towards Jarrod. He figured that meant Nick or Christine had told them just who was coming and why.

"We're not here to hurt him, ma'am." Jarrod spoke politely, somehow knowing he'd better be on his very best behavior.

"You'd better not be." Anna's voice was stern as she made no attempt to hide her annoyance.

"Mother," Byron stepped out of the house and spoke in a chastising tone of voice, and then turned his attention to the visitors. "You'll forgive my wife, only we look upon Jonathon as a son. We simply don't want to see more grief piled on top of everything else he's been through."

Jarrod looked at Heath as if to say 'Can you believe how protective of Nick everyone we meet is?", and then dismounted his horse-as did Heath. "As I just said, we wish him no harm. We….no…I simply want to reconcile with him. Mother would, eventually, like to make peace with him as well. We were both deeply in the wrong; we've known it for years." His muscles relaxed when he saw a smile appear on Mrs. Myers' face.

"I am sorry for reacting badly. It's like my husband said, I just care about Jonathon." Mrs. Myers told him.

"Jonathon said he had a mild panic attack last night, and that was why the three of you did not finish talking. He said you were meeting this morning at his request." Byron said, not that he doubted Nick. He didn't. He just wanted to see what Jarrod and Heath had to say about it.

Still shaken by the fact that his presence might have caused Nick's episode, Jarrod didn't answer for a moment. Then, just as Heath was about to reply, Jarrod started talking. "Yes, but rest assured, if he has another one-due to my being here-I will turn around and go back to California. I would never wish to endanger his health in any way."

He saw any remaining stiffness leave the Myers and smiles spread from ear to ear. "If he has another one, I do not think it would be wise for the two of you to be pushed away, or walk away." Byron put his arm around his wife. "Anna here has said more than once how much he needs you and your family. I just hope…" he turned and looked towards Jonathon-who was now down all his hands and knees in order to give his daughter a 'horseback ride. "I hope you can convince him of that." He then encouraged Jarrod and Heath to talk some more with Nick.

After the two brothers were out of earshot, Anna quietly asked, "Do you think they can? I mean, convince him he has a place on their family ranch?"

Byron frowned slightly. Only a part of the talk he'd had with his 'son' the night before was about the Barkleys and the past, the other part was about the Myers' ranch and the request they had made of Nick before they knew his brothers were coming. _"I was serious then, I am serious now. Yes, I'm still willing only, Jonathon," Byron clamped his hand down upon 'his son's' shoulder. "Please, think about it very hard before making any final decision. As you've already said, your brothers have come many miles to find you so Jarrod can make peace with you. That should tell you something.'_

Had his words been heard or was his son destined to live miles away from his family? Byron had no clue only turned around and, upon insisting Anna go with him, disappeared back into the house.

While Byron and his wife had been talking with his brothers, Nick had seen Jarrod and Heath from out of the corner of his eye. Inwardly, he sighed. A part of him was elated they'd found him, the other part wished they hadn't. When they started walking towards him, Nick helped his daughter off his back and stood up, keeping her in his arms.

"John?" Christine laid her hand on his arm when he started to tense up.

He took a deep breath and told her he'd be okay. "Got to find a way to relax," He smiled, grateful she'd come. He might not need her to hold his hand, but the support felt great to have.

"Nick," Jarrod addressed his brother once he and Heath were standing a few feet from Nick. "Thanks for inviting us." The invitation had given Jarrod much needed hope-as he'd been half afraid his brother's 'sister' was going to ask them to leave the night before.

Nick would have made some sort of reply only he was once again shocked beyond measure as Melissa Ann started wiggling like crazy and leaning forward, stretching her arms towards Jarrod as she did so.

Jarrod smiled and, stepping closer, looked at his brother. Not wishing to assume anything, he asked Nick, "May I hold her?"

Nick, who was just as surprised as when his daughter went to Heath without ever meeting him, could only nod as he let Jarrod take Melissa Ann into his arms. He, Christine and Heath then watched in amazement as the young child wrapped her arms around her uncle's neck, wrapped her feet around his chest and laid her head on his shoulder. However, all four went into shock as the child who had never shown any signs of having much vocabulary, whispered, "You came. Mama said you would."

Those two sentences filled the area with a stunned silence. Jarrod and Nick looked at each other as if they didn't know what to think. Finally, Nick shook his head. "Guess we really do need to talk."

Jarrod started beaming as he nodded. "I'd say you're right."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

Nick and Jarrod leaned against the Myers' corral. From where they stood they could see Heath entertaining Melissa Ann; Christine sat on a tree stump near them reading a book. The two brothers, still a bit stunned by what Melissa Ann had said—along with the fact that it was all Heath could do to convince the young child that her father and Jarrod needed time alone, said nothing for a few minutes. Finally, Nick broke the silence. "When I didn't hear Reverend Stacy deny or confirm what was said that day in Virginia City, when I saw Heath standing next to Mother and you in the funeral and heard people call him her son and your brother…I really thought you and mother had disowned me. I even told Melissa-in a fit of childish rage-you all had replaced me. She was quick to put me in my place over that one." He sighed and shook his head, "Guess Melissa was right when she said you were only trying to protect me-even if you were wrong."

Jarrod, whose hands hung loosely over the top of the corral, tapped one thumb on top of the other. He didn't know why he was surprised by what Nick had just said. He might have thought the same thing-when it came to Heath-if he was in Nick's boots. "Maybe, but when someone like the reverend doesn't agree or disagree, when you see a gentleman you don't know with your family, it makes it hard not to believe it." Jarrod then told Nick that the reverend had visited the Barkley ranch the moment he arrived back in Stockton. "He only told us he'd been hearing from more than one person that you were no longer welcome on the ranch and wanted to hear it from us. He never told us that anyone was making the kind of claims you overheard being made. Father and I were quick to correct him-and then told him we'd appreciate it if he spoke up if he ever heard that kind of talk again. When it comes to Heath, he's another brother. Simple as that. Mother also cornered him later and said the same thing. That is, after she overheard Father and I talking about how I'd spoken too quickly when it came to Melissa, Mother had reacted out of fear and the reverend's visit." Jarrod then paused, hoping his words would not be the start of a huge fight.

Nick stiffened at the mention of their parents and Melissa. Slowly he turned to face Jarrod. "If I had listened, if I had done as Mother wanted when it came to Melissa and listened to Father, what would have been the cost?" The tone in his voice yelling…though, for the sake of his daughter and his late wife, Nick forced himself to keep the volume low. "If I'd taken the woman I loved and put her into a jail cell in a town where people were itching to take their hatred out on anyone either from the South or connected to the enemy, she'd have been dead by morning, and don't tell me I'm wrong! With so many men away, Fred would have had very little help-if any- when someone tried to storm the jail to get to a supposed traitor…especially since Judge Parker had only been informed the week before of his oldest son's death!"

Jarrod visibly flinched. In all the years since Nick had been gone, no one in the family had ever brought that possibility up. Why was a question he had no answer for. Awkward silence again filled the air, finally Jarrod broke the silence. "We were wrong, Nick. We have known that for years. If we could turn back time and do things over, we would." He took a deep breath and then asked Nick if there was any chance they could put the matter behind them and make peace with each other. "When it comes to us, to Mother, we've been estranged for too many years. Let's put the past behind us. We want the family to be whole again."

"What you want is for me to take a daughter who is the spitting image of her mother-thus being the spitting image of her aunt-back to a town that so overwhelmingly 'welcomed' that same aunt to town. From what I hear, they would have hung Julia if you and Heath hadn't found the real culprit." Nick turned his face towards his older brother; his eyes full of fire and concern.

Jarrod sighed. "Everyone knows it was Julia who was the traitor, not Melissa. I can't see any of them making any trouble. However, no, I'm not asking you to do anything but forgive us for the past. We want the lines of communication open between us no matter where you choose to live."

"And Sissy? I told you she's my sister, thus Melissa Ann's aunt…calls her 'A'nt issy." He couldn't help but chuckle, but then he grew serious. "She has no one else. Well, that is no family to speak of. Promised her months ago that where ever I or Melissa Ann went, she's welcome to come with us. That is, unless she happens to meet someone and falls in love with him."

The fact that the young woman had healed from the past and had been out on a few dates already was something that Nick saw no reason to tell Jarrod. After all, that area was Christine's business, not anyone else's.

"If she's family to you, Nick, she's family to us. Heath will tell you the same thing, as I'm sure Mother, Audra and Gene will." Jarrod turned and rested his back against the corral.

Nick again felt like his emotions were on a roller coaster. For a number of years he'd wanted this, but had come to accept it would never happen. Now, Jarrod was next to him doing what he could to make amends for his share of the estrangement…and saying their mother wished to do the same. Nick's eyes drifted from Melissa Ann to Christine, and then back to Melissa Ann. He thought on his late wife and the few times they'd talk about his family. However, before he could say a word, he found himself clutching his chest and heard Jarrod, Heath and Christine all yelling his name.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

 _Nick again felt like his emotions were on a roller coaster. For a number of years he'd wanted this… Jarrod was next to him doing what he could to make amends for his share of the estrangement….. before he could say a word, he found himself clutching his chest and heard Jarrod, Heath and Christine all yelling his name._

 _~oOo~_

Heath sat on the Myers' couch entertaining his niece while Jarrod stood near the window, his eyes gazing out the glass at nothing in particular. The sight of Nick clutching his chest and struggling to breathe would be seared into his memory forever. He and Heath had moved quickly to move their brother into the bedroom Christine led them too, and then Heath had ridden to the doctor's…at Jarrod's insistence. Yes, Christine and the Myers were sure it was just one, very serious, panic attack. However, Jarrod was not willing to take any chances.

"What's taking the doctor so long!" Jarrod turned away from the window and looked at the bedroom's closed door.

Byron, who had been in the kitchen, stepped back into the living room. While he was just as concerned for 'his son', it made him feel better that Jarrod was genuinely concerned for Nick. "Dr. Jacobs is a good man and believes in being thorough. Besides, the fact that Christine isn't out here falling apart, should give us hope." He sat down in the chair that his wife had brought into the room for him; she was sitting next to him. Christine had stayed with Nick until the doctor had arrived, and then continued to stay in the room at her 'brother's' request.

"Listen to him, Jarrod." Heath spoke up while gesturing towards the opposite side of the couch. "Just sit down and wait. Nick will be fine, you'll see." At least, he was hoping their estranged brother would be. After all the time Jarrod and he had spent tracking Nick down, after all they'd learned, Heath didn't want to see the journey end in tragedy.

A part of Jarrod wanted to argue, the other half won. Soon he was seated on the couch, though he failed to keep his eyes off the bedroom door. After what seemed to be hours, the bedroom door began to open…causing Jarrod and the others to quickly rise to their feet.

Dr. Jacobs looked at the small group gathered, after shutting the bedroom door. The fact that he was upset and frustrated could be seen in his eyes. Because he said nothing at first, Jarrod and the others feared the worst. Though, the fear turned to confusion when the good doctor folded his arms, glared at Jarrod and Heath, and then asked, "Does it run in your family or is it just him?"

"Panic attacks? Heart trouble?" Jarrod asked, after throwing a quick glance towards Heath.

"Stubbornness, pure mule headed stubbornness!" Dr. Jacob snapped loudly as he unfolded his arms and put them on his hips. "Is it a family trait or what?"

They couldn't help it, Jarrod and Heath busted up laughing. How could they do anything different when others had asked them more than once about the Barkley stubbornness! Jarrod, who caught his breath, admitted it seemed to run in the family. Though, he quickly grew serious as he inquired about Nick. "Is he okay? Was it a heart attack or one of those panic attacks you told us about?"

"He's had a small heart attack." Dr. Jacob shook his head, as he heard gasps come from the group gathered in the room. "If I had my way I'd run the two of you out of town, not because I hate you or wish you any harm; I don't." He went to say that Christine and the Myers had been right. "He needs rest without any added stress, and I told him as much!"

Jarrod felt his heart skip a beat. In spite of what Mr. Myers had said, he couldn't stick around if this is what it was going to do to Nick. "I told the Myers I would leave if Nick would be hurt by my being here. I meant it."

"As much as I'd like to help you pack your bags, Jonathon wants to see the two of you…even though I advised against it." Dr. Jacob again shook his head. "Christine is sitting with him. Since he wishes to see you, I won't stop you only-for his sake-keep it short!" The doctor then left, but not before telling the Myers he'd drop by in a couple of days to check on his patient.

"Go in," Byron nodded towards the door when both Jarrod and Heath hesitated. "If he's asked for you, you'll only be making things worse by staying out here."

Jarrod nodded and headed for the bedroom, as did Heath. Once inside they saw Nick propped up in his bed by a few pillows with Christine standing on the left side of the headboard. For a moment no one spoke. Finally, Jarrod broke the silence. "If this is what my presence is going to do to you, Nick, I can go home."

Nick let out a breath and turned his head sideways. "I heard the doctor. The man doesn't realize we both have loud voices. He's upset because I only just admitted to him just how many panic attacks I've had since the war ended. He says the past attacks, along with the stress of having you here, brought on this minor heart attack. Only, he's wrong, Jarrod. It's more than just thinking about reconciling with the family-or dealing with your unexpected visit- that's causing so much stress. It's the war, losing all but one of my children and my wife too. I don't know when the episodes will hit and I can't pin point what starts every one of them. I sure the blazes can't promise about any more heart problems." He took a deep breath and continued. "On the Ponderosa, on the Peterson's ranch and here at the Myers I've had to deal with very few people. When I go into Laramie, my visits are short and with a handful of friends. I've been able to deal with the panic attacks with very few people realizing I even deal with them." He pushed on the mattress, in an effort to readjust his position. The movement earned him help from both Christine and Jarrod. Once he was comfortable, Nick continued. "From what I hear, Stockton is growing; you can't help but bump into people right and left. Even though I know the truth about Mother and yourself, I'm not sure…"

While Jarrod desperately wanted Nick back on the family ranch, he wasn't going to push the issue-especially after what had just taken place. When Nick didn't finish his sentence, Jarrod spoke up. "There's always paper and pencil, Nick. Mother and the rest of us can, with your permission, come here for a visit. Your health and a reconciliation is what we really care about."

Nick felt a lump in his throat. In all the years of their estrangement, he'd never thought he'd ever feel the sort of brotherly love and concern Jarrod was showing him again. "I can't say either way right now." He gave his brother a small, genuine smile. "Only, are you in a position to spare a few more days? I already made the doctor promise not to say anything about this to anyone-told him to leave it to me. You'll be safe from my friends-as I'll make it crystal clear you are not responsible for this. I _want_ you to stay. Life is too short; let's put the past behind us while we have a chance."

Both Jarrod and Heath began beaming while Jarrod assured Nick that they had no problem with extending their stay as long as he promised to follow the rest of Dr. Jacob's orders...as long as that didn't include not talking to Heath or Jarrod. Once he agreed, Jarrod said he'd go into town and wire the rest of the family. After all, McColl would have to take over running the ranch with Victoria…as Gene would need to go back to school.


	24. Chapter 24 and Epilogue

Chapter Twenty Four

A/N With Thanksgiving up, I decided to just post this last chapter and epilogue...which, ironically, is at Thanksgiving. No, I did NOT plan it this way.

~oOo~

Thanksgiving decorations were spread throughout the Barkley home, and music could be heard drifting through the air-music that came from the family's phonograph. Victoria was standing in front of the window, though she didn't know why. It's not like it was going to hurry up time or change anything. There was also a wistful look in her eyes.

Jarrod, who had exited the study, now stood at the living room entrance. He didn't have to ask what his mother was doing, who she was looking for or why the conflicted emotions could be seen in her eyes. The past few months had been hard on her. After receiving Jarrod's telegram she had wanted to go straight to Laramie only hadn't for one main reason- the telegram that Jarrod had sent had been rather lengthy. In the message Jarrod had stressed the fact that any talk between her and Nick needed to wait until Nick had his strength back. Since then, the family and Nick had exchanged numerous letters after Jarrod and Heath had left Wyoming. The last letter to arrive promised that he and Melissa Ann, along with his 'sister', were traveling to Stockton. 'We plan on staying through Christmas' was news that had been embraced joyfully by each member of the Barkley family. "At least they're coming for a visit." Jarrod walked up beside his mother and laid his hand on her shoulder. "Just remember what I said, he considers Christine his sister. The slightest sign of disapproval or questioning, and I can guarantee you, he will be out of our lives for good."

Victoria closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them up as she turned to face her oldest. "I am grateful for the visit. I just," she paused and then said, "I'm just trying not to think of what 'could have been'. I can't change the past and I shouldn't continue to beat myself up over it either. I'm just grateful you found him, and that we're communicating again." She slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out a small picture Nick had sent her-one of him and Melissa Ann sitting on the Myers' porch. "I would never know of Melissa Ann or have this," she said as she held up the picture, "treasure if you hadn't. Also, you don't need to remind me of what to say, or what not to, when it comes to his 'sister'." She went on to say she hoped the visit would be the beginning of a fresh start.

"I'm sure it will be. Now..." before he could say anything else, the sound of a wagon could be heard outside. Due to the fact that Heath and Audra had gone into town to meet Nick, Melissa Ann and Christine at the train station, Jarrod and Victoria hurried to the door. Sure enough, they hadn't taken a few steps outside the house before Heath brought the wagon to a stop. Nick was the first one out. There was no sound made as he walked up to his mother and stopped in front of her…each appeared to be struggling to find the words they wanted to say. Only, when Victoria started to apologize, Nick embraced his mother. "We can talk later…after Thanksgiving dinner. Then, after that, we leave the past in the past." Nick spoke uncharacteristically quiet as he glanced back towards his daughter and her 'aunt'.

"All right," Victoria smiled as she returned Nick's embrace, grateful she was getting a chance to reconcile with her middle son.

 **Epilogue**

 _May 15, 1895_

 _I don't ever recall being called Melissa Ann Baker. I sure don't remember any time Father wasn't talking to his family. From what I've been told, Father went back to using the name Barkley shortly after my uncles left Laramie, and had my last name changed at the same time. We visited Grandma Barkley and my aunt and uncles every summer until I was eight, something I eagerly looked forward too. Shortly after my seventh birthday the strong friendship my father had with Aunt Sissy took a turn and blossomed into a solid romance._

 _When my father asked Aunt Sissy to marry him, she said yes on the condition they be married on the Barkley ranch….he readily agreed. There was some excitement a few weeks before the wedding, thanks to some men who didn't like my father and uncles. When the dust settled, those men were behind bars, Father and Aunt Sissy were married…and we never went back to Laramie. Father and Uncle Heath became partners and both ran the ranch. I never did call Aunt Sissy 'Mother'. She told me there was no need to call her anything but Aunt Sissy. 'After all this time, why change it' was the question she asked my father when he questioned it. Guess he figured it wasn't worth fighting over because I never heard any objection._

 _When I was nine, Father and Aunt Sissy had twin boys-Samuel and Daniel. In time, they had two other sons-Paul and Thomas, along with my sisters-Alicia, Camilla and Maria. Needless to say, all of us are keeping them very busy. However, they never complain. If anything, they say it is good they have so many children. That way, if my father has one of his panic attacks (which they assure us have gone down drastically since making peace with Grandma Barkley and Uncle Jarrod) there's always been someone to run for my mother, grandmother, or one of our aunts and uncles. I was also relieved to learn from my stepmother that Father has never had another heart attack since the one he had while talking to Uncle Jarrod that day on Myers' ranch.._

 _Father eventually had my late mother and the children they'd lost relocated to the Barkley ranch. He said he was tired of having to travel Nevada-to two separate cities as we'd done in the past._

 _When it comes to my aunt and uncles, Uncle Jarrod and his wife had five children. Uncle Heath and his wife had six. Uncle Gene and his wife had four. As for Aunt Audra, she and her husband were never able to have any children of their own. However, they did adopt four children who had been orphaned when their parents were killed in freak train accident._

 _I don't know any of Aunt Sissy's family…as she has never talked about them, and Father has strictly forbade me to ask her anything about them. I once asked my uncles if they knew anything about any relatives I might have on that side of the family. "If your father and stepmother don't want to talk about it with you, leave it alone" was the exact answer I got from all three of them. While I_ _will always wonder what happened to destroy her relationship with her family, I guess there are just some questions in life we never get answered._

 _I can hear my father and siblings downstairs giving my fiancé, Josiah Kleinman, a hard time. It both amuses and irritates me, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm so glad my father and uncles met in the middle. If they hadn't, I'd have lost out on being a part of a wonderful family._

 _Melissa Ann Barkley soon to be Kleinman._


End file.
